What Runs Through Them Series Part 4: Soul
by FayTheGay
Summary: Prequel to Essence following Blood. After Bella buried herself, Dol was lost and broken. Then Stefan summoned her and she had no choice but to return to where it all began.
1. Preface

**IMPORTANT. While this is by all technicalities a sequel to Blood I actually recommend reading it after Essence and Venom** **. If you read this before Essence it takes away the air of confusion experienced in Essence. That said, do as you will. The author's notes will potentially contain spoilers as I converse with Dol.**

 _ **You do still love me!**_ **Bite me, Dol.** _ **Maybe I will.**_ **So, guys. Have I mentioned my inability to let this story go? For some reason, I always end up here. I have this passionate love for complex story universes and somehow, I made something stupidly simple into that.** _ **Get on with it, (censored).**_ **Jesus, Dol. Give me a sec. So, this story had two potentials. It was either going to be a prequel predating Blood with a split of Rose's original story and Bella and Dol's adventures with the volturi but I ended up going with this instead. This story will cover Dol and her slow descent from the broken girl we were left with at the end of Blood to who she is in Essence. I honestly don't know where it's going, but we'll see.** _ **What are you going to title it?**_ **Question of the century. Blood was for humans, Essence was for shapeshifters, and Venom was for vampires.** _ **There's not any other options really.**_ **I know. Um… Soul since it's centering on you and your entire being centers around your connections to souls.** _ **I guess that'll work.**_ **You have something better?** _ **Not at all.**_ **That's what I thought.**

 **STORY WARNING: This story will probably be darker and potentially more graphic. You have to remember what everyone said about her in Essence as well as Ak's influence. Despite my wishes, I can't work against who she became and the fact of the matter is, she did a whole lot of fucked up stuff.**

" _I love you, Bella." Dol watched her sister closely._

" _I love you, Dol." Bella spoke quietly as she lay down in the hole, closing her eyes._

" _I'll miss you."_

I will always be here. _Dol could feel the fading in her mental voice. She was going. It was oddly comforting though._

 _Dol lay back and looked at the sky, watching the stars and the moon. She felt Bella's consciousness fade until she was lost. There wasn't a solid wall this time keeping her out though. Dol had the choice to penetrate the wall if she ever wanted to. She couldn't right now though. No. Instead she lay there and lived the night to its fullest. Absorbing every detail she could. The sun would rise soon and when it did Dol knew she would absorb all of that as well. For her sister. For herself. They needed that. They'd earned that._

 **One week later…**

"Mike, please." Dol whispered it into the receiver, standing outside the house of her Imprintee. She had no right. Not a single one. Yet, there she was, knees held to her chest and icy rain hitting her as she begged Mike to come to the door. As she pleaded into her phone.

"Jessica doesn't want you around, Dol. You tried to kill her."

"She told me to stay away!" Dol bit back, biting her tongue and forcing herself to calm down. "The glass was an accident, Mike. You know that. I'd never hurt you. Not the ones you love. I lost control. Please." She was begging. She needed him. Not that she'd push for anything again. _I'll never stoop to sex for coping again._ She swore to herself, turning suddenly when the door slipped open and Mike held his hand out.

"It's cold. Just… be quiet, Dol. I don't need her pissed at me again. Not over you." Dol nearly leapt to her feet as she went through the door, wrapping her arms around Mike and burying her face in his chest.

"Thank you. Thank you." Mike lifted her with careful ease and carried her down the hall into the living room where the TV was playing on a higher volume than she would've expected at two in the morning.

"Look at me." Dol lifted her gaze from his chest as he settled them onto the couch. "Why are you here? The truth, Dol. There are other people you can talk to."

Dol bit her tongue, gaze wandering to the TV. "They don't understand. Everyone else that would… They're dead. I know I shouldn't be here. I have no right."

"You're right." Dol didn't turn at the sound of Jessica's voice coming from the door though she felt Mike stiffen next to her. "Ice-cream, right?" Dol blinked and shifted, turning to look at the brunette in the door who had her arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrowed. "I hate your guts. Now answer the question. Ice-cream?" Dol bit her cheek and nodded, "Last time, Dol." Jessica warned as she left them.

Dol was speechless. Jessica was letting her stay, after everything. Maybe she should've apologized then and there, but she wouldn't. Jessica had crossed a line when she'd demanded that she never came back around. Yeah, shoving her out a window probably wasn't her best move, but Jessica knew she had a temper.

"You're thinking really loud, Dol." Whether it was a figurative sentence or not, Dol wasn't sure. But she knew that he was right. Dwelling wasn't going to help. Dwelling was going to end up with her sinking back into her usual depression coping. Maybe something worse. "Talk about her. Talking helped you before." He said after a moment and she shut her eyes, leaning into his side and curling closer when he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"You know everything important about her."

"If you don't want to talk, why are you here?"

Dol closed her eyes. "I don't know." She admitted quietly. "I just need to be here."

"You're a dumbass, Dol." Jessica's voice came from the doorframe, footsteps coming close. "Don't give me that look, Mike. You decided to sneak her in like a fucking teenage boy hiding his girlfriend from his mom. I'm allowed to be pissy."

Dol took a breath and turned slowly, meeting Jessica's gaze. "Jessica, I will _never_ do what I did last time. I overstepped my bounds. I know that. I know I shouldn't be here. I just…"

"You could be anywhere but you're here. You have a mother, a pack, yet you're here. I hate it but I get it." The brunette set a bowl of ice-cream in front of her and offered a glass full of familiar brown liquid that Dol had been fighting against touching for days. Biting hard on the temptation to take it she shook her head, much to the surprised annoyance of the other girl. "You're joking? You've been drinking nonstop for how long?"

"Jess, stop." Mike hissed from next to her.

"Right. Sorry." Jessica set the glass on the table behind her as Dol carefully stuck her spoon in the ice-cream, feeling uncomfortable under Jessica's gaze. Part of her expected a punch to the face, the other part felt she deserved it. Instead the other girl just sat down in front of her. "Explain to me why you aren't with your mother."

Dol bit into the cookie dough ice cream and shut her eyes, chewing on it. That was a simple answer. Being with her mother was a burning constant reminder of everything that she'd lost in her life. "It hurts." She admitted after a moment, feeling weird as all hell for talking with Jessica, the woman that hated her more than anything, about this. Though, in it's weird way, it was almost easier than trying to talk to someone that liked her. "Everything there is a constant reminder of everything. Of what all I've lost."

"Have you told your mom this?"

Dol shook her head, eyes burning.

"You are one of the most socially stunted people I've ever met."

"I-"

"No. Mike, don't you look at me like that. I know your story, Dol. I get it. You and your sister were kidnapped and it was a fucking tragedy. I'm not being a bitch, you just weren't taught how to deal with your problems in a normal human way. Your sister is laying in a hole in the ground because neither of you are capable of coping." Mike's grip tightened on her, the only barrier keeping her from launching herself across the space. It was more out of habit. That instinctual desire to defend herself against the truth. She settled for baring her teeth rather than ripping out of Mike's hold.

"Fuck off, Jessica."

"Tact isn't a skill of mine. That isn't the point. Normal people that have issues? They go to their family and they talk about it. You need to go to your mother and you need to talk to her, or you need to leave Washington altogether because you're making yourself miserable."

Mike didn't move to defend her, of course, that wasn't his responsibility. It was her responsibility to keep him safe. Carefully Dol set the bowl to the side, rising up from under Mike's arm and inching around Jessica. "You're right." Dol said, gaze wandering to the glass on the table. "I'm sorry I came by. Mike, if you need anything at all, call me immediately." Dol grabbed the glass off the table, turning and swirling the liquid in the glass for a moment before drinking it all. The words from Mike and Jessica were lost on her. She had been right. She needed to leave.


	2. Chapter One

_**I hate you.**_ **What did I do?** _ **Did you have to share this?**_ **I skim it. I have to explain this incident considering everything that follows is sort of a result.** _ **Fine.**_

 **Recap. At this point in time Dol is somewhere around nineteen. Maybe twenty. They were eighteen in Blood and there was a year gap before Dol let Bella bury herself. I'll go with the backend of nineteen.**

 **CHAPTER WARNING (spoilers): For you guys I've never majorly bothered with warnings but here I probably need to because the precise thing that happens. There's an attempted rape this chapter (hides) I'm sorry, guys. It was difficult as all hell, but it's there and you've been warned. It doesn't exactly get better right away either.**

Two days following the disastrous conversation with Jessica and Mike Dol had returned to her unhealthy coping. Alcohol, sex, disappearing from home for weeks on end until the pleading phonecall from her mother drew her home. It was a cycle and Dol was broken.

A month following the incident was when it all changed. After Dol finished wiping herself down with some wet paper towels before she fumbled with getting her jeans back up after a nameless sleazebag made his leave from the bathroom. Under the haze of drunkenness there was a nagging in the back of her mind at her own stupidity.

 _At least tell me you're using protection, Dol._ Embry's voice pleaded in the back of her mind as she managed it, not thinking to button them like she knew she should.

She couldn't get STDs and Spectral shapeshifters were infertile. What was the point in the hassle?

Dol stepped up to the bathroom mirror and forced herself to focus. Her eyes were bloodshot and her blue hair was bound carefully.

 _Not drunk enough._ She could see it. The connection stood out like a power line, visible on the edge of her vision. Begging her to go to her sister. Begging her to reopen it.

 _She left. I can't._

The longer she felt it, the worse it became. There was a sickening sense of it drawing her soul in. Breaking her down. _Losing myself._

"Hey, bitch." Dol turned towards the door to see a butch woman she'd spotted when she found herself in this shit bar standing in the doorframe. Her instincts bristled at the threat but she squashed them down. "That man you fucked?" Dol played at pondering this. Yeah. She was too sober. She needed more alcohol. "He ain't a free fuck. Costs a price."

"Is that so?" She asked innocently, itching to draw her in. It was a stupid idea. A bad one. She could throw punches hard enough to kill a human. "If I'm being honest. I thought you'd be the pay to fuck type. How about you get on your knees and I'll drop you a twenty."

The woman crossed the room in an instant, by human standards, and shoved Dol back. The impact threw her back just enough that her back twisted awkwardly against the sink and her head smashed into the glass and, _fuck that hurts._ She blinked away stars. Maybe she was drunk. _Drinking makes me human._ At least it made her react like a human. She focused on the woman in front of her, attempting to grab her fist but missing as it slammed into her cheek. _Fuck_. That hurt. It actually hurt. _What the hell?_

The woman gripped the front of her shirt and threw Dol. Then it registered, a moment too later, _the scent_. Dol's head smacked into the wall and a pained cry escaped her as the weight of the butch woman came down on her, sharp teeth exposed and a twisted smile on her face.

"Spectrals don't have a place in this world. All your kind does is fuck is over and over and over again." Dol made to scream but a hand came down on it before she could. Tears streaked her face and she struggled harder as someone else joined her. For the first time in what felt like decades she was terrified because she was trapped. Trapped in her human body. "'specially broken ones like you. Daisy, make sure no one gets in."

"But-"

"No. Her predecessor killed my mother without a reason. No fucking reason. You know how thrilled I was when he assigned me to this?" Dol screamed into her hand but in a place like this, no one listened. No one cared. _Please please. Don't. Don't do this._ All too quickly she knew where this was going and she regretted ever coming to this place. Every stupid choice she'd made since the day she chose Alec over Bella.

No matter how hard she tried she was trapped in her physical form, trapped here. _I'm going to die. I'm going to get killed on the floor of some nothing bar. Oh God._

Dol's eyes widened in panic when the girl began undoing her jeans and _no no no no_. _Fuck._ "D'n't! I'll-" the girl grabbed the sides of her mouth, pressing in on her jaw painfully tight.

"I'll kill your mother if you don't shut up. I mean it. I couldn't give a flying fuck about some random Imprintee. Billy left her out to dry. What I do care about is not having to kill a bunch of humans because you couldn't keep that pretty little mouth shut."

Dol's throat closed as she resisted the urge to scream. _Mom._ Of all the fucked up things that had happened, that she'd done, nothing compared to the sickening idea of her mother's death. She'd have sacrificed the planet for her. _Yet you won't call her._

Dol's eyes shut as she shut down her baser mind, forcing herself to not think on the sickening feeling of cold tile underneath bare skin. _Bella. Please. Bells, come back. Come back to me. I need a reason. I need-_

A snarl filled the air along with the sound of a door flying open and Dol snapped her attention to the entrance where an all too familiar man stood.

"You have six seconds to leave before I rip you throats out." Paul growled in warning to the shapeshifters. Dol gasped out as the woman that had been holding her down shifted around, knee digging painfully into her stomach. The other shapeshifter had been smart. Had taken the warning and fled. Not that Dol thought Paul intended to let her escape.

 _Be ready, Dol._ Paul told her silently and it took a second to pick the plan up. She was vulnerable. Ever since she'd been pumped full of SH she'd been vulnerable. But she was capable. If only barely. It was worse now because despite the adrenaline she was still drunk off her ass.

"There's only one of you, sugar lips. Your spectral alpha here ain't an alpha anymore than her dear momma and I've got the upperhand."

"You seem to seriously underestimate us then." Paul growled out and Dol twisted the upper half of her torso to the side as an oversized gray wolf launched himself through the air. The woman on top of her didn't seem keen on letting her out of this though because the next thing she knew she had a hand around her throat and she was being crushed at a too awkward angle causing her to scream as the weight of Paul combined with the woman. Seconds later the weight was gone and she twisted around despite the protesting in ribs and arm just in time to see Paul's teeth tear into the throat of a half transformed tiger. Brown eyes met hers and she hated the worry etched into them. The question of 'what have you been doing to yourself'.

 _Are you okay?_ And it really wasn't the time for that as the sound of police sirens infiltrated the air.

 _Window._ It'd been months since she touched that telepathic link. It was far too invasive for her liking but if the wolf heard more than she'd shared he didn't let on, instead coming to her side and returning to his human form, helping her get her pants back up before picking her up bridal style and breaking out the window with far too much ease.

"Why're you here?" She muttered, wincing as her ribs began healing themselves.

"Embry told me to keep an eye on you."

"'m not a child." She muttered, leaning into his chest and trying hard not to think about what had nearly happened just then. No matter how hard she tried, a question formed itself.

What had her predecessor done? She'd seen glimpses of the previous girl through Kachiri, mostly of the younger girl being tortured. It wasn't something she'd thought hard on. There was nothing she could do. Her predecessor had done horrible things and she'd had horrible things done to her. Death had been a blessing for her. However, hearing those things from a shifter about what she was…

"No. You're just acting like one."

"Are you 'lone?" She muttered into his chest, trying hard not to dwell on the bitterness in his voice.

"Yes." He answered sharply and she winced, turning her head to look at him. Paul was staring straight ahead, barely acknowledging her and it wasn't right. They shouldn't have been stuck protecting her.

"'m s'rry 'm a fuck up." She winced as the lingering alcohol slurred her words.

"You aren't a fuck up, Dol. You've just been through a lot. It's why I'm here instead of at home."

"Spectrals are fucked." She responded, sighing and shutting her eyes. "Tha' woman was angry. 't Amol. The last spectral. I think she was right. All we do's fuck things up."

"Stop talking, Dol." And that hurt more than she'd expected. The fact that he hadn't defended her. Hadn't said she was wrong. _Bella would've._ Her mind unhelpfully reminded her.

 _Bella is gone._

"Are you okay?" He finally asked.

"No." She bit out before she could stop herself, eyes burning again as everything fully registered with her.

 _Oh God._

She threw herself out of Paul's arms with ease, stomach turning over as she caught herself on the concrete, puking her guts up. A sob escaped her as she continued to puke everything up until there was nothing but stomach acid. An arm came over her shoulder, just a light pressure, not a trapping weight, and she leaned into it as she sobbed, choking back the stomach acid.

 _Bella._

Her sister wasn't there and never would be again. No matter how hard that connection tried to reopen itself, Bella had shut it. It was gone.

Oh god.

What she knew about the world had never prepared her for that possibility. It'd always been a risk to Bella in Volterra as well as in Missouri. It was something they had been warned about when she was still around.

From men.

It'd never once crossed her mind that a woman might rape. That a woman could rape. Her stomach churned and she turned throwing herself into Paul's arms.

"'ome, Paul. I… ta'e me home."

Dol shut her eyes and leaned into him as he lifted her from the ground and began carrying her again. She fought back the sick feelings. "N'ver tell anyone." She told him and she wasn't sure if it was an order. All she knew was she couldn't tell anyone. No one could know how bad things had gotten for her in two months.

"I promise." Paul swore and she sighed heavily, leaning against his heart and drifting at the beating of it. It wasn't long before the sound pulled her into sleep.

.-~*~-.

 **One month later...**

"Time to get up, baby girl." Dol moaned into her pillow, swatting at her mom's hand. "I'm making cheese eggs. And coffee." Ellen added in hopes of rousing her. It worked of course. The coffee was her new addiction but she was doing good on it rather than living off of alcohol. If she pretended she wasn't going to one of the tribe's therapists today motivating herself to get up was easier. Carefully, Dol rolled over and met the gaze of her mother.

"No breakfast in bed?"

"Not in a million years, baby girl. Now up." Dol pouted petulantly but did as told, shoving the blankets off herself and forcing herself into a sitting position.

"I'll be down in a minute." She told her mom who nodded and headed out of the room. No one has touched their shared bedroom since the day Bella left. She allowed herself a moment, thinking over her sister, before she pressed aside the memory and walked to the closet. She stared at the small collection of clothing that her mother had gotten her and pressed her lips together in consideration. She'd never had to change clothes when she could swap between forms. When she could go from solid to spectral. What was a spectral shifter without her form?

She stared at her hand and tried to change. Tried to take on her other form. Nothing. Ever since she'd been injected with SH she'd been trapped.

"Daula!" Dol flinched slightly and pulled one of the dark blue dresses out. Sometimes she considered dying her hair, going for something natural so that she wasn't a freak with the blue hair of her predecessor's childhood doll. But no. She wouldn't do that. It was something that signified who she was. Anyone that saw her, light blue hair and gray eyes, would know who and what she was.

 _Maybe you should try to blend in. If you did, that girl wouldn't have recognized you._ Dol flinched away from that voice, squashing memories down before they could manifest. That was for late when her therapist pushed her to talk about her problems. Not that even a shapeshifter therapist could begin to comprehend her problems. Soul siblings were the rarest thing on the planet and Bella wasn't dead. Just… gone. Lost in her head.

Shoving those thoughts away Dol pulled the nightgown she'd been wearing off, replacing it with the lightweight fabric of the dress. She'd never wear jeans and tank tops again. That was something she'd done to cut herself off from who she was. There was something about the dresses that she clung to. Maybe it was because she'd spent almost all of her life in dresses but it felt more like her.

Dol composed herself before she slipped into her flats and left her room, going downstairs and turning into the kitchen where her mom was setting out three plates of cheese eggs. _Three._ Carefully she reached out and latched onto the feeling of Embry in the other room. Normally Paul was the one that drug her to therapy and she couldn't help the frown that crossed her face. As far as the rest of the pack was concerned, she was going to therapy for her loss of Bella. They didn't know what had happened. They wouldn't ever find out as long as she had a say in the matter. Begrudgingly she slumped into her seat at the table and crossed her legs as her mom turned around holding a glass of orange juice.

"Paul is visiting another pack." Her mom explained and she felt herself bristle.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"You've been very stressed, baby girl. Embry-"

Dol rose out of her seat and made a beeline for the living room, nearly slamming into her Beta.

"Those aren't your calls to make, _Embry_." She snapped without preamble, stepping back and holding herself taller even though she was still significantly shorter.

Embry stepped back, slumping his shoulders slightly in a way that she knew was equivalent to him kneeling though he didn't bow his head slightly. There was a defiance in his eyes. Faint but there.

"I'm sorry, Dol." He responded.

"No you aren't." She retorted, rising higher without a thought. "Have you forgotten who I am?" And admittedly she wasn't sure where that came from. She hadn't played Alpha directly in years.

"Have you forgotten who you are?" He responded back bitterly. "I know you're grieving and I know it's been years so let me explain this to you. We love you. We do. You're our alpha and we guarded Ellen for years in hopes of you coming back. But bossing us around like a bratty child isn't going to work. You can't just waltz in and pretend that everything's fine when you ran off and ditched us for a month, telling us that you weren't going to lead us. Did you really think it'd be simple to slide back in, Dol? You _abandoned_ us and showed back up suddenly after some woman tried to kill you. You can't expect everything to be perfect, Dol."

Dol flinched away because that wasn't the whole story. The whole story was grim and personal and it _hurt_ because he was right. She shouldn't have expected complete acceptance. Not after what she did. She did though. Some part of her expected it. Expected him to bow before her and do as he was ordered. Dol stepped back and shoved those thoughts far away.

"You're right." She whispered, taking a breath and calming herself before she lost her grip on herself. "Just...Keep me informed. Please."

Embry nodded once and offered his hand. After a moment she took it, squeezing tightly and letting him pull her into a tight hug. "You have to earn your way back in but it doesn't mean we aren't here for you. You're the little sister I never wanted."

"You used to tell us that when we were little." Dol muttered into his chest, a tremble crossing her body.

"It's always been true. You're our little sisters. Always have been and always will be. Even if you're a stupid little brat at times."

"I'm not a brat." She muttered petulantly before separating. This was normal. For a moment. And then she remembered everything and a wave of nausea took her over. She barely made it. Barely pulled away and stumbled up the stairs before she was throwing herself over the toilet and puking up stomach acid. Her eyes burned and she let out a sob as she leaned her face against the cool seat.

 _Bella._

No matter what, no matter how hard she tried, the twisted words of that woman crossed her mind. That spectral shifters were wrong. What she was going to do to her. For something her predecessor had done.

Her stomach lurched again but nothing came up. It always hit that point. Just when she could hang on it hit her and she was left on her knees. How did people survive this? How did they get through it?

Dol leaned back into her mom's hand, letting her pull her into a close embrace. "It'll get easier, baby girl. It will." And it was those words that she held onto. Easier. She didn't try to say it would get better. Her mom had spent years believing they were gone and knew what grief was like when someone she loved was gone but not dead. It still couldn't compare. She could still feel that connection drawing her into her sister. Telling her to go to her. To join her.

She couldn't. She'd tried. She'd tried so hard. Rather than being able to join her she'd realized that the trap of her human form kept her material. Trapped her from joining her sister.

"I miss her too, Daula. How about we visit tonight?" Visiting. That could be good. Or bad. Her therapist would tell her not to probably. The woman was trying to separate them. Drive a safe wedge in the connection . It was how they handled grieving soul siblings. The problem was her issues far from matched normal ones. Bella wasn't _dead._ Just gone.

"Yeah." She muttered into her mom and sighed softly. Carefully stowing her thoughts for later. Things would get easier. Over time. She just hoped time would come soon. She was tempted everyday to lapse back into her stupid habits from before. Not that she did. It was a dangerous risk.

.-~*~-.

Dol leaned into Paul's side as they walked into the clearing Bella was buried, her mom holding her left hand. Embry was nearby, she could feel his presence but he didn't intrude. He was there for moral support and she found herself sending out a quiet thank you. It was hard being here. Sitting at the edge of where Bella was buried and not grabbing onto Paul or her mom. Instead she sat and she ran her fingers into the dirt. _Please leave, Embry._ Because the things she was going to talk about she didn't want to share with Embry. Things she only wanted her mom and Paul to know about. They were the only ones that knew.

"I was in therapy today." She paused, then latched onto their walled off connection, speaking verbally and over the connection at the same time. " _I've told you about my therapist. She's such a cunt."_ Her mom smacked her on the back of the head and she smiled. " _Mom got mad at me. She's an unkind person."_ She corrected herself. " _I don't know much about therapy but she makes me feel guilty for not letting go. Warns me about the damage holding on will cause both of us at a soul deep level. When I ask her how she knows this she says it's something we all know. The truth is I think she's a dumbass. I don't think she knows a thing about soulbonds."_ She paused, imagining her sister rolling her eyes at her as Paul ran fingers through her hair comfortingly. " _It's easy to argue with her about you. Half of the session is that. The other half is harder. She tries to get me to talk about that night._ " A whimper escaped her and she closed her eyes. " _I don't know what else to say to her about it. It was terrifying. I was drunk off my ass and being stupid and I couldn't defend myself. Paul saved my life and mom's."_ Dol paused as Paul sat next to her and she leaned into him. " _I love you Bella. I miss you. I wish you'd come back. I wish you were with us."_ Dol shut her eyes and turned her face so she was burying it in Paul's chest.

"Bells, it's your aunt." Dol peeked over to see tears in her mother's eyes. "I have never been good at this. Especially with others around. So I'm just going to pretend it's me and you and you're sitting here listening to me." Dol bit her lip, watching her mom. "There were times I'd resent your existence when you were little. You stole my baby from me. But then I met your parents. I met you. I realized that getting knocked up might've been the best thing I ever did. We became a weird dysfunctional family and I love you both with all my heart. You're my daughters. Both of you are. If you ever come back to us, it'll be to open arms." By the end her mother was crying and Dol was next to her, holding her mother's head against her shoulder as she cried. They sat like that for what could've been hours, holding each other, until at last they pulled apart and her mom gave her a broken smile, cupping her face in her hand and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"We're getting you a new therapist for the other part. Okay?"

That might've been the best news she'd heard in days. The tribal counselor was crap at helping her through the near rape. It was easing to hear that she was going to find someone else to help her with that.

"Thank you, mom." She muttered.

"Ask and you shall receive. As long as you behave yourself." Her mom promised, and she believed her. Her mother would give her the world if she asked for it. She was going to be spoiled. "Go walk with him, baby girl. I want to talk to your sister for a bit." Dol glanced over her shoulder to see Paul standing at a distance awkwardly and after a moment she rose to her feet and walked over to him, clasping her fingers through his and leading him into the forest. It was an awkward relationship between them. Not precisely a relationship. It was more than the basic pack bonds. Maybe friendship. That was a concept she wasn't experienced with. Something Bella understood much better than her.

And wasn't that pathetic in its own way?

 **No. Her therapist is not a good therapist. Not by a longshot. Though I've never been to therapy I want to make it clear. Her therapist sucks.**

 **Also, she isn't going to fit the typical pattern for victims but there's a reason for it. I know it's a sensitive subject that shouldn't be taken lightly and she's taking it better than she should, but there's reasons for it. It starts with an A and ends with a k. On we go.**


	3. Chapter Two

**Hey guys. I meant to do this but I got sidetracked last chapter. Welcome back corkykellems! If I'm honest I'd thought you'd poofed off the planet but it's great to see you here.** _ **What she said.**_ **This chapter is good for you, Dol. Assuming it goes as planned.** _ **I thought you didn't do sappy.**_ **Since the first few chapters are flashbacks I can get away with it being short and simple.** _ **That explains everything then.**_

 **So guys. I've been stressing a bit with the timeline her because of the things said in Essence. Until something occurred to me. Basically everything we know about Dol from Essence is hearsay. Things told to Bella without basically any of it being backed by proof. Bella only knew what was told to her and none of it had to be cementified. Which gives me a hell of a lot more leniency with this though I'll try to keep it close to what is said. Bella is technically an unreliable narrator. Now, with that said, you can't get mad at me if everything doesn't line up with things said in Essence. Though if they don't match Venom flashbacks you're welcome to call me out. (I am rereading) On with the story.**

Dol brushed her fingers against a childhood picture, staring at the wide innocent eyes of her sister as though staring enough might fix her. Might make her come back. It had been six months since that night. Six long months. People said time healed all wounds. It was crap. Dol had begun to realize this early on. Time didn't heal grief. Time didn't care about grief. Grief was either handled by the one experiencing it by making an effort, or the grief built up until the person exploded. Admittedly, Dol wasn't handling her grief well. She'd finally told her tribal therapist to fuck off, not that she'd said anything to her mom about that, and taken to spending Thursday nights with Paul. Something that she would've never expected. If she'd told her younger self that she'd be spending Thursday nights with Paul she would've called herself a liar. Then again, if she'd told her younger self she wasn't being held captive in Italy she would've called herself a liar.

Her life really was fucked up.

"Dol, you coming down for lunch or going to spend all day in your room?" A smile quirked on her lips as she ran her fingers through her hair one last time.

"Yeah, mom. Give me a second." She said, not bothering to be loud. Her mom always heard her. There were a couple instances where she wondered if her mother _wasn't_ human. If Ellen Uley was something more. Or if she had once been. Paul had passively mentioned a couple weeks ago that he'd heard of spectral shapeshifters removing the animals from shapeshifters. Their essences completely ripped from them. It was something she'd done. Once. To Leah. But Leah had been dead. To do that to something living...It had to be cruel. She barely had a handle on her transformations and being trapped completely in her human form was miserable in its own way.

She sincerely hoped her mom had never been a shapeshifter.

Shaking her head and grabbing her purse from her dresser she fled her room, refusing the temptation to look at the picture of Bella one last time. Nothing good came from dwelling on Bella. Especially with what she had to do today.

.-~*~-.

Dol brushed her shoulder against Paul's as they walked through the woods.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Please don't try to talk me down from this." She almost whispered, closing her eyes for a moment as Paul's arm came over her shoulders. A soft sigh escaped her as she leaned close to him.

"I'm sorry." He said after a moment and she smiled grimly at the empty, meaningless apology. Only one person on the planet could fix this and she was off in dream land.

Dol wasn't angry. Just… bitter. Lonely. Tired. Mostly lonely. Dol had no experience in being alone and it ate at her. More than that, the mental isolation between her and Bella was causing a problem. A major problem. It had begun about a week after Bella had shut down but it was getting progressively worse. An insistent nagging at the side of her mind. A painful pulling that was trying to shut her down because she was trapped in her human form. Trapped on the physical plane. Embry had theorized that it could start shutting down her physical functions if he was correct and her soul was the form that manifested when she took her spectral form. If it wasn't and it worked? She wouldn't do that to her mom. Couldn't.

Her eyes burned slightly as they arrived in the clearing and she grabbed onto Paul's hand, squeezing hard enough that she knew a human would be bruised or have potentially broken fingers.

This was why she hadn't had her mom come with her. She needed someone durable for what would come.

Somehow she knew what would happen. What she would feel.

It made everything harder.

She had no choice.

Dol stiffened slightly as Paul wrapped his hand around her wrist, drawing her from her thoughts. Right. She could do this. She was strong.

At least that's what she told herself. Quietly she walked forward, Paul close at her side, and knelt before the spot. The area had flattened out, overgrown with grass between the sunflowers she'd planted over it. Without a word she reached out, stroking a petal on the flower before speaking. Verbally and mentally. As she always did when she visited.

" _Bella."_ Dol shifted back as Paul wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against him. " _I love you, miss you. So damned much. I need you to listen closely to what I'm saying. I need you to_ listen. _You have to understand I'm doing this because I don't have a choice. That… Embry thinks it'll kill me and… I can't. I can't do that to mom. So I'm about to do something I'll never forgive myself for. Not for me or you but for the only family we have left. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is the only choice."_

Then Dol was flying. Soaring through Oblivion and latching onto their connection. She hadn't directly used her soul connection since her last visit here and it was cold, like stepping into a walk in freezer and having the door shut on her. It was also drawing her in, luring her into the walled off connection she couldn't bypass.

" _Forgive me."_ Dol felt Paul tighten his grip on her as she grabbed onto that connection, that soulbound connection that was trying to pull her in, and ripped it.

A bloodcurdling scream tore from her throat as her entire being felt like it was set alight from the inside. It was one agonizing flash that felt as though it went on for centuries. Or maybe no time at all. All she knew was pain. Pure raw pain. Then it was gone, as quick as it began, and she was staring wide eyed at the blinding light of the sun. The first choke of a sob escaped her throat as she felt a hollow emptiness where that constant pull had once stood.

What had she done?

Oh God.

It had been a horrible mistake.

Terrible.

Dol cried, pulling her knees up to her chest and sobbing. It could've been hours. Weeks even that she laid there. Until finally, some part of her, pushed her. Had her sitting up and looking around the clearing and spotting a crumpled pile that was clearly a person slumped against the tree.

Her breathing stopped as she scrambled across the clearing, grabbing onto Paul's shoulder and shoving him on his back, touching his neck and feeling for his pulse, a shaky sigh of relief escaping her. Because there was still a heartbeat. What had happened? Had she-

Her entire posture went rigid as she remembered why Paul had been there. Why she hadn't taken her mother.

She was still physically stronger than a human. Maybe not as strong as a shapeshifter but...She was still physically capable of defending her imprintee. If that was an option...Fuck what had she done?

"Paul? Come on. Wake up. Please." And it was almost irrational for her to be panicking, if his heart was still beating he was going to live. But she'd just done something horrible and she _couldn't_ be alone. There was too much pain. Too much emptiness. She needed him. She'd brought him here to help her. To keep her together.

Carefully she gripped his shoulder, pushing him over onto his side and earning a moan of pain. It was a response. Which meant she hadn't done serious damage. But the lack of movement… her thoughts trailed off as she caught sight of the giant gash in the back of his skull.

Carefully she reached out, probing along his collarbone and onto his spine, testing and finding fractures in the bones.

 _Damn it. Embry! I messed up! Please tell me you're stalking us._

There was no response and Dol couldn't do anything but run her fingers through his hair as she shifted the fractured bones with unpracticed ease, following the motions she'd watched done to the shapeshifters in Missouri when they were being tortured in the dungeons.

She almost cried in relief when Embry came stepping out of the treeline, joining her side.

"Why didn't you _answer?_ " She demanded angrily as Embry pressed a hand against the bleeding wound in his head.

"Because I wanted to see what you would do, Dol. Paul warned me what you were coming out here to do."

"And what did you think I'd do?" Dol demanded as Embry gripped the back of Paul's neck, cracking it back into place and making her flinch.

"That you'd kill yourself." Embry answered honestly. "Dol, you know I love you. We love you. You're our sister. We watched you grow up and know full well just how strong that soul sibling bond is. How unhealthily codependent you both are. So yes. I was concerned. But you didn't. You stayed with him."

"What if I'd chosen to kill myself?" Dol asked, question barely a whisper.

"I would've let you. To free you from the suffering we can all sense."

Dol let out a pained sound, eyes burning with unshed tears. "Fix him." She ordered as she turned and ran.

And she ran. She ran as hard and fast as she could get herself to. All the while she fought back her sobs. Fought back the cries of frustration and betrayal. The cries of anger and heartbreak. She focused on the burn in her lungs, her muscles, her body. She ran until she couldn't anymore. Until she collapsed into a pile on the forest floor, wrapping her arms around herself and just crying. Mourning the loss of her sister. The breaking of a connection she had no right to break. Dol cried until she fell into a restless sleep plagued with images of all the deaths she'd witnessed over the years.

.-~*~-.

When she awoke she was confused at first. It had been a few months since she woke up in an unfamiliar bed next to a warm body. The only thing that stopped her from throwing herself out of the bed in a panic was the extreme heat coming off of him.

"Paul?"

There was a huff of breath then a response, "Who else would be comfortable enough next to you?"

A smile graced her lips as she rolled over in the bed, meeting his gaze.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't know what you did."

"Doesn't matter. You were hurt because of me."

"I've been in worse shape, Dol. We weren't assigned to protect you for nothing." Dol wiggled across the space between them and nuzzled her head into his chest as he instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Is that all I am? An assignment?" She asked, voice small.

"Maybe when you were younger. Not anymore." He answered, brushing his hand through her hair.

"What am I to you, Paul?" She asked, closing her eyes at the feeling of his fingers on her hair.

"A lot of things." He answered vaguely and she swallowed heavily, breathing in warmth and comfort. "My alpha. A rebellious brat." She snorted, not bothering denying it. "A friend, I hope."

"Yes." She answered quietly, "I've never had a friend." A flash of Alec's affection crossed her mind, but he hadn't been a friend. He'd been...Something else. A dream. Bella's love was endless, undying, she was her sister.

"I'll be that for you, Dol."

"Promise me it's not pity. For…"

"I don't judge you for that." Paul's fingers gripped her hair gently and tugged until she was meeting his gaze, seriousness imbedded heavily in them. "I would never judge you for something that happened to you. You understand, right? That it's not your fault."

" _It isn't your fault, Daula. Once you accept this, you'll be moving forward."_

" _You don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about. It was my fault. I was out being a idiot. Drinking and dulling my senses until I couldn't fight back. It was my fault."_

" _You couldn't have predicted-"_

" _Don't treat me like some human patient. Treat me like I'm an alpha shapeshifter."_

" _You're a grieving child, Daula. I am treating you just as you behave. If you don't like it, you can leave. I'm not forcing you to remain here."_

" _Fuck you."_

" _It wasn't your fault. What nearly happened wasn't your fault. You need to move on."_

Dol shut her eyes, breath hitching because she'd tried to listen to her bitch therapist but she knew better. She should've known better. She was still the spectral shapeshifter. There were plenty of shapeshifters that were out there. It was-

" _Dol_." Dol jerked slightly, eyes snapping open.

"I know." She lied, pulling against his fingers until he freed her hair. "I know." She whispered and returned her face to his chest. Hoping he didn't call her out on the lie.

"Do you want to go out?" He asked and she let out a sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around her again.

"Where are we?"

"My house." He answered, stroking her hair soothingly.

"Do you still have your Disney collection?"

"Yes."

"Can we watch Fox and The Hound?" She felt his chuckle rather than hearing it and she squirmed out of his hold, smacking him on the chest. "Don't tease me."

"I'm not teasing you. It's just interesting how you never change."

"Oh, bite me, Paul." She responded and he grinned toothily at her as she crawled out of the bed.

"Maybe later, Dol."

That response did two things to her in an instant. It triggered a helpless giggle from her as she stumbled out the door, finding her way to the kitchen, knowing full well it would be filled to the brim with food. It also lit up that darker part of her mentality that instinctively took the playful remark as a dark promise. But no. She wouldn't give way to that part of her. Paul was her friend. That was it. Sex complicated everything and she'd promised herself she'd stay abstinent for a year in the very least. If she ever had sex again.

"There's wine coolers in the fridge." Her eyes lit up because while she wasn't drinking heavily, Paul had been letting her sneak drinks on their little outings. It was better than trying to stop completely she'd found. A whole hell of a lot better.

.-~*~-.

So maybe Fox and The Hound had been a bad choice. She'd alternated between crying like a baby and putting on a calm face and failing at seeming calm. The light buzz she'd gotten from convincing Paul to give her one glass of whiskey definitely hadn't helped. But this had been her and Bella's movie when they were little.

"I'm a dumbass." She muttered as she curled into his side, sniffling and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Don't do that."

"Be honest?" She asked stubbornly, humming contently when he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Talk poorly of yourself. You are a dumbass. Not for choosing the movie." She hummed in agreement as he carefully detached her from him, walking over to the DVD player and replacing the movie.

"What're we watching?" She asked, leaning over until she nearly tumbled off the couch. A squeak escaped her as she threw herself backwards onto the couch.

"A movie."

"Disney?" She asked hopefully as he joined her side and she latched onto his side.

"Not this time."

She pouted petulantly and tried to wrestle the remote from his hands, easily being restrained by the other shifter.

"Fiiine." She whined and leaned back into his side, pulling herself from his grip.

"That's the spirit."

That was how she'd turned into a giggling mess while watching What Happens in Vegas.

.-~*~-.

It was late when her cellphone rang, interrupting The Interview. It took her a bit longer than it should've for her to realize it was her phone and for her to put the phone to her ear before rethinking and clicking the answer option then pressing the phone to her ear.

"'i, mom." She muttered into the receiver.

"Daula Marin Uley, where the hell are you?"

She blinked, pulling her phone from her face and checking the time to realize it was almost two in the morning. She paled slightly and put the phone to her face. "I'm out." She answered, trying to keep her words straight but by the pained noise from the other end she could tell she failed.

"You said you weren't drinking anymore. Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"Mom, I'm no'. I mean…"

Paul snagged the phone from her hand before she could protest. "Ellen, it's me." There was a breath of silence then yelling from the other line. "I know ma'am. I told you I would keep her safe and I am. She's only had a bit of alcohol, just to have some fun." Paul flinched and both of them knew it had been a bad choice of wording. She wasn't supposed to be drinking at all. "I would never do that and you know it."

Paul cast her a silent look that was asking permission but her mind was a bit too foggy to figure out exactly what it was. It couldn't have been bad, right? So she nodded her approval anyways. Trusting him to make the right call.

"Ellen, look. Dol had me take her to visit Bells today. It wasn't a normal visit. There's some things-"

Her eyes widened and she snagged the phone from his hand, cutting him off with a panicked glare as she hung up.

"No. Paul, no. Can't tell her abou' it." She pleaded as he gave her an exasperated sigh.

"Okay. We won't tell her tonight but she's pissed at me now. You need to tell her. I'm not the only one who can help you through this. You know that."

Dol's eyes burned with tears as she looked down at her lap, staring at her phone as it started to ring. Could she tell her mom the truth? How bad it had gotten? She was too buzzed for this.

"I won't tell her." Paul told her as he took the phone, answering it with a, "Sorry about that. I touched the end call thing with my face. We visited Bells and she had a breakdown. Begged me not to tell you." He paused, waited. "I know. I planned to call you. I did. We just got caught up in a movie marathon and lost track of time."

"Sorry, mom!" She called the flinched as her voice was way too loud.

"It's already so late, why don't you head to bed. She'll sleep in my brother's bed." Silence for a moment and Dol held her breath, Paul smiling slightly. "I wouldn't dream of it, ma'am. We'll see you in the morning."

Then Paul hung up, shaking his head. "You're lucky I like you."

Dol cast him a grateful look, leaning into his side and humming in approval as he wrapped an arm around her again.

Two hours later and he was carrying her to bed. "Don't make me sleep in your brother's room." She muttered into his side, the alcohol mostly burnt out of her system.

Paul chuckled and she pressed closer to him. "I told your mom you'd sleep in there."

"Mom's worried you'll make a move on me."

"And you're sure I won't?"

"Positive." She answered. "I'd make a move first if it happened. You might not pity me but you're still being careful. Which is bullshit but that's just me."

Paul hummed quietly as he carried her into his room, laying her down in the bed and giving her a dirty look as she slipped her dress off over her head, and maybe it was a bit of a mean thing to do, but she wanted to see what Paul would do with her laying there in nothing but her bra and panties.

It wasn't a surprise when he turned away from her and grabbed a t-shirt from his dresser, tossing it onto her lap.

And yes, she knew full well she was crossing the thin boundaries of friendship but she felt the need to test him. To read his reactions. Because this was important. If he wasn't being genuine, if he was playing her, he was sure to take this as what it implied. At least that was what her experience entailed.

When she shoved the shirt to the side and slid under the covers he shook his head before sitting down next to her and laying out on the top of the covers.

"If it wasn't for where you were raised, I'd have to wonder if you were right in the head." He mused as he flipped the bedside lamp off leaving nothing but the dim glow from the moon outside.

"I'm not right in the head. Then again, my therapist is a narcissistic cunt so I trust her opinion as much as I trust a rabid pitbull."

"I know she's a bitch, but did you ever consider she's trying to help."

"Well she does a crap job." Dol answered after a moment. "Get under the blankets." She added.

"I'd rather not." He answered after a moment and she grinned deviously, squirming across the space and reaching out from under the covers, laying her arm across his chest. "God you can be so cruel, Dol."

"I like being touched."

"I wish you didn't word it like that. I don't mind holding you. When you're clothed."

"I'm being a sadistic little bitch. But I'm sober. Now get under the covers, Paul. I know you want to and I need to be held."

Dol waited, then heard his sigh of surrender as he moved from under her arm, shifting around and slipping under the covers.

Dol missed her nighttime eyesight she decided as she scooted closer, relaxing into the feeling of his warmth as his arm wrapped around her and carefully rested on her lower back, tucking between her side and the bed.

"Thank you." She breathed, scooting up and brushing a kiss against his cheek before resting her head on the pillow next to him.

"Good night, Dol."

.-~*~-.

 _Blood. Blood everywhere. Bodies piled to the ceiling. Eyes watching. Searching. An unreadable question embedded deep in them._

.-~*~-.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her mom all but cried as she pulled her into a tight embrace.

"You would've wanted to come and I couldn't risk that." She muttered into her mom's shoulder.

"What do you mean you couldn't-"

"It caused her excruciating pain. If you'd gone instead of one of us, she might've killed you." Paul spoke up quietly from his spot on the couch.

Her mother ignored him as she tightened her hold. "You don't have to go through this without me. You know that, baby girl. I'm here for you."

A tremble shook her as she finally returned her mother's embrace.

"I want you to leave, Paul."

"But-"

"Now." Her mother interrupted her and she huffed a breath of irritation.

"I'll talk to you later, Dol." She squirmed out of her mother's hold and turned just in time to see Paul opening the front door.

"Promise?"

He turned and cast her a friendly smile. "I promise."

She nodded and he stepped out the door, leaving her alone with her mom.

"I didn't realize the two of you were close."

Dol bristled slightly at the implications in her mother's voice. Because that wasn't what it was. "We're friends. That's it." She defended, a bit too sharply.

"If there's something more-"

"No. We're friends and he's helping me, a lot. Just...Mom, please."

"I'm just making sure, Dol. I'm worried about you."

And that was the problem. She didn't want people worrying over her. She was coping but every time someone reminded her why she was in such bad shape she wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Burying her problems was one skill she'd developed through the years. Probably because her problems directly revolved around living. But she'd been great at burying them.

"Stop worrying about me. I'm coping. Every single time it's brought up I'm reminded that Bella is broken. That I've lost her. So _stop_ worrying about me."

Dol met her mom's eyes and instantly regretted it, seeing pure heartbreak in them.

"Mom-"

"No. You're right." Her mom's voice cracked and Dol cursed herself internally. "I keep forgetting you aren't a little girl. That you grew up while you were gone."

"I'm sorry."

Her mother smiled sadly, "It isn't your fault. Do you want me to cook?"

"Could we watch a movie instead?" She hoped it was a good enough peace offering for the situation. For the harsh words. Because she wasn't the only one suffering from her sister's absence. She knew that. Yet she opened her mouth and went off on her mom for caring.

"Yes we can." Her mom answered after a long silent moment.

She smiled at her mom and made her way to the kitchen to gather the ice cream.

.-~*~-.

Climbing out of her bedroom window was easier than she'd expected. As long as she let her instincts guide her, she was able to grip the tree branch and climb down without an issue. She could've tried to drop down but her shapeshifter abilities were currently too finicky and she wasn't willing to risk a sprained ankle.

Her mom was going to kill her for sneaking out, she knew it, but she didn't really care. She was far from caring. All she needed was some time alone. Some time to breathe. And if her aimless trip through the forest ended with her standing outside Paul's house, staring at the doorbell like it was a snake poised to strike, well that wasn't her fault. Though, she would honestly admit, ringing the doorbell was absolutely her choice.

And that was a good thing.

 **I'm** _ **so**_ **sorry it took so long to post. I got caught up in working on my Supernatural fanfiction and playing GTA V and lost track of how long it had been. Forgive me?** _ **No.**_ **I'll take that as a maybe.** _ **I forgot about all this.**_ **Sorry I'm reopening old wounds.** _ **I'm dead now. Not much I can do to fix that.**_ **True.**


	4. Chapter Three

**This chapter kind of ran away from me. Which isn't a bad thing. It's weird but not bad.** _ **That's promising.**_ **You going to peek?** _ **Already did. I really hate this.**_ **I'm sorry, Dol.** _ **We all know where this ends.**_ **Except the people that don't. I need to add a spoiler warning to these notes for newcomers.** _ **You should do that.**_

 **Chapter Warning: (duh spoilers) There's a scene at the end of this chapter which is mentioned in Essence between Paul and Dol. I'm labeling it dub con because of what happens. While there's never a no uttered which is possible in the situation, she does force the situation.**

 _8 months._..

It was almost mind boggling how fast things could change if you were willing to open yourself to it. As things became more and more cementified. It wasn't that things were okay. No. They were far from okay. Her repression and avoidance of much needed counseling had turned from daytime anger and bouts of nightmares that woke her and Paul, who she'd been sneaking into the house at night because sleeping alone was its own kind of Hell.

The thing was, everything was becoming a _fact._ She _knew_ Bella was gone. That she wasn't coming back. Before, she'd been able to trick herself into hoping. Before she'd broken the connection she'd been able to lie to herself. Now there was a gaping hole in her soul and it screamed at her all night.

But in the day.

In the day she felt a sickening detachment. It was as though every time she woke crying from her nightmares to have Paul hold her and mutter reassurances it flipped a switch and by the time the sun rose she was level headed and focused.

It was horrifying. Horrifying enough that she'd called one of the tribal counselors and all but begged to talk to him.

Dr. Darian Clearwater, Seth's distant cousin, had agreed to meet with her.

"I'm aware of how you've behaved in previous sessions, Daula-"

"Dol." She corrected him automatically, pacing the room while Dr. Clearwater sat patiently in his chair.

"I agreed to this under the matter it remained professional."

"It isn't professional, _Doctor._ You're supposed to be telling me why the _fuck_ I don't care. And don't spout some bullshit about deflecting."

Dr. Clearwater watched her patiently until she remembered and forced herself to sit down.

"Okay. I'm going to cooperate. It's just… fuck, I'm scared."

"Which is completely sensible. I'm going to be patient with you because I know what happened. I'm also going to be honest. There are no recorded cases of _anything_ similar to what has happened to you. I've met soul siblings in the past. The codependency is inevitable. We know how to work the sibling through a death."

"She isn't dead."

"Which is where the problem lies. Bells is very much alive. Doctor Littlesea was unable to assist you because of two major issues. She has never worked well with patients that express human mental conditions. Its-"

"What the hell are you talking about? Shapeshifters can't get human mental conditions. We're immune to that crap."

"Most of us are." He agreed patiently, allowing her to interrupt him. "What you need to understand is you aren't a normal shapeshifter. Even if you weren't the Spectral, you aren't normal. Shapeshifters that have human soul siblings become more susceptible to humanity. Specifically the humanity of their human counterpart suffers from. I know your history and I know the basics of what your sister suffers from."

"You think I'm getting an overflow of her insanity."

Dr. Clearwater shook his head rapidly. "No. Not exactly. From my understanding the end of her time with us she was suffering from dissociative identity disorder or more commonly known as multiple personality disorder."

"That wasn't part of her mental conditions. It may have been backlash, but it wasn't a mental condition. What happened at the end? It was purely caused by her vampire power combined with…" Dol trailed off, realizing that she was trying to correct a certified expert. But he didn't seem annoyed. He seemed patient. Waiting for her to continue. "Her vampiric gift gave her complete access to her mind. The ability to create walls on her own memories and block out mental powers from other vampires. Her mind could project other aspects of herself."

"I'm aware." The longer she thought on it the more she understood. Bella was mentally unstable her whole life. Even without Dol being a presence, Bella was damaged.

"You think that becoming a vampire allowed her to use her mental conditions to her advantage."

"Correct."

They were supposed to be here about her. But this was big. And not in a good way. Because what he was implying was she _had control._ The whole time. Through it all. If her power gave her full control over her mental conditions…" Dol felt like she might be sick, her eyes burned. Her skin itched. Her brain screamed at her to hold it together. This wasn't right. It couldn't be. Because if it was true, if he was right, Bella had abandoned her.

"Daula, look at me. I want you to listen to the rest of what I have to say. This all serves a very important purpose so just bare with me for a moment, please."

The worst part? She was able to shut herself down and listen. Able to meet the patient gaze of her counselor.

"Your sister was depressed. This is a fact. No blood bag comes out unscathed and almost all blood bags are depressed. Now. Bells had an advantage most depressed people don't have. She had a safe escape. Somewhere she could safely free herself to. Somewhere she could be happy. Where there were no monsters and death and destruction. Where she could be _happy._ It was her one escape and she took it."

Dol opened her eyes as realization struck hard.

God she was stupid. She hadn't _realized_. Hadn't considered it once. Because by the time she'd _remembered_ everything had fallen apart. Bella had turned into a vampire. She'd wallowed in self pity and never once considered that maybe vampires could suffer from mental disorders.

 _God damn it._

"Why are you telling me this? Why is it relevant? You're supposed to be diagnosing _me_. Not Bella. Bella's off in Dreamland living a perfect fantasy life with that fucker Edward."

"I already told you why. Her mental-"

"Yes. Her head is screwed so in turn mine is."

"You share mental disorders with her. For identical reasons. Many people will see soul siblings as dangerously codependent which is true. But it's more than that. You're constantly feeding information back and forth between each other, whether conscious or unconscious. Now to get to the root of your problem we have to root your sister's problem as well."

Dol bit hard on her cheek to keep from snapping at him. Because it made sense. It made _sense._ She knew it did. But it was as though something was fighting her on it. Didn't want her to understand.

"You told me you've been struggling with yourself. Feeling a detachment from your emotions. Now, I want you to bear with this. You and your sister were captive in Volterra for most of your life. Even if you were trapped in that strange situation of nothingness, you were with her. Feeding off of her experiences. There's no way your sister could've survived that nightmare without finding a way to cope. Or if something already existed. This blurs the professional line, but I met you and your sister as children. It's helping me a lot in this."

"You knew I'd come back."

"I suspected." He told her honestly and something about it felt as though Seth had spoken to him. "I was going to recommend you transferred to me before you stopped showing up at Doctor Littlesea's office."

"Keeping it professional, right?" She scoffed, shaking her head.

"Do you want me to skip the small details and get down to it?"

"Please."

Dr. Clearwater met her gaze. "I believe your current condition, your detachment from the reality of your sister, is an offshoot of Depersonalization Disorder. I am certain you are depressed. There is no doubt at all about this. I also believe you have the potential for dissociative identity disorder though it's much less likely than Bells. On top of this I am certain, based off the reports from Dr. Littlesea as well as observing your behavior here that you are bipolar."

Dol stared at him for several long moments before she laughed, a sharp broken sound. Was it really that simple? Was she really that lucky? All of her current problems, all of them, were a _human_ problem. A problem that, technically, she wouldn't have been susceptible to as a normal shapeshifter but still. For the first time in as long as she could remember, her problem rested in pure human condition. Then she was laughing. A terrible fit of tears and helpless giggling because for the first time in her life it wasn't supernatural. It was _human._

"You know. I've never met a patient so happy to be diagnosed with...Well any mental condition."

Dol laughed at his words, shaking her head. "I was scared that...God I don't know. But if it's something _human._ That is the easiest answer I've ever gotten to anything."

Dr. Clearwater smiled at her. "I'm glad I can help. Even if it's bad news. Now, I do have to tell you something. Medicating a shapeshifter is difficult. Very difficult. Some of us react differently to medication than others. There are options but getting your dosage will take tweaking and close observation over the next year."

Dol didn't care. She was in too good of a mood from learning that her problem was human. That she could have her problems fixed, or at least managed.

"According to Dr. Littlesea's reports you are an alcoholic-"

"Not anymore." Dol responded reflexively.

"I'm willing to trust this but you have to stop drinking all together. Medication and alcohol do not mix well."

"Understood."

"I also have some bad news. There isn't a direct solution for the Depersonalization Disorder. I'm hoping by treating your other disorders it will reduce the effects of that particular disorder."

"So you'll write me up a prescription and I can go?"

"I'd prefer that you talk to me some. So I can observe your behavior while you speak. Just to confirm my diagnosis a bit more."

Something told her that it wasn't really the truth but he was being paid for the full two hours and she was content in a way she didn't realize was possible so she let it go.

.-~*~-.

 _10 months…_

"I asked her to marry me." Mike blurted and Dol blinked, staring at him for a moment as the words sank in. Then she was wrapping him in a tight hug.

"That's _great_ , Mike." Dol was ecstatic. Truly happy for her imprintee.

"Who are you and what have you done with my alpha?"

"Your alpha? I always forget that tidbit. I'm happy for you, Mike. You're my Imprintee. And Jessica isn't horrible."

Mike stared at her for a moment before stating decidedly. "You're high." A grin crossed her face before she tackled him, knocking him off the bench and earning a startled sound as they both hit the ground.

"Nope. Not high. Just...Alive." She answered as she straddled his stomach. "I'm happy for you. Even though I think your fiancee is a demon bitch from Hell. Better?"

"Much." He agreed, gripping her waist and setting her to the side as he pushed back into a sitting position. She pouted petulantly but allowed the action, knowing he was uncomfortable with her overease in invading personal space.

It wasn't that she didn't know better. It was that she didn't care. With Mike and Paul she felt a sense of security that made her bypass her more logical behaviors. Which she knew pissed Jessica off.

"So, I've been meaning to ask." Mike interrupted her thoughts. "I overheard Paul's thoughts the other day. You've been...Sleeping with him."

"We aren't having sex." She couldn't have sex, which was apparently a side effect of one of the medications she was on. Not that she'd had any intentions on getting laid, she still wasn't mentally ready for that again, but she'd enjoyed her...One on one time. "I can't sleep alone with the nightmares and mom can't stop my thrashing without risking breaking a bone." She frowned slightly at her own lack of care but internally shrugged it off, her smile returning.

"I'm just wondering if there's anything more between the two of you. That's all."

"Why would you think that?" She frowned at the question, until it fully registered with her. The implications. And...Ah hell.

She'd known Paul found her attractive. They'd been sharing a bed for months now and she was always insistent on close contact, even when she knew he was attracted to her. But it hadn't crossed her mind. The idea that Paul could consider more? She frowned, rubbing at her temple and trying to gather her thoughts. To clear her head.

Clear her head. A frown crossed her face and something nudged at the back of her mind. Something important. Then a violent wave of realization washed over her.

The worst part? She should've been panicking. She _knew_ it. Instead that stupid smile was back on her face. _God._ She was high. Mike was right. But _it didn't matter._ She couldn't make herself care. She needed to. Oh fuck did she need to but it was as if she wasn't able to make herself do that. It was almost horrifying.

"I'll talk to him about it. I'm going to talk to him about it." There was a determination in her voice that didn't belong. Talk to Paul about what? Oh God. What was she doing? That panic didn't manifest though. For a moment she remembered being warned about this. A symptom of Detachment Disorder. Except it didn't feel right. This felt _severely_ wrong.

"You're leaving?"

 _No!_ "Yeah. I told Paul and mom we'd have movie night tonight."

.-~*~-.

 _11 months…_

How was this her life? How had this become her life? Oh yeah. She cared about Paul. A whole lot. But this? Being his girlfriend? It wasn't her plan. He knew sex was still off the table. That her libido was shot from the medicine. But how the _fuck_ had she ended up in a relationship?

Right.

 _The medicine._

It was why she was standing outside Darian Littlesea's house with Embry flanking her.

"We're here for information, Embry. We won't kill him yet." She was clear-headed. Angry.

"I know." Her beta responded, bristling.

"No one else can know. _Nobody._ " And if that second part was an order, he didn't call her out on it.

Dol raised her hand.

 _Knock, knock, knock._

They waited. _One, two, three_..

"What?" Came the grouchy counselor's voice as he opened the door, freezing in place at the sight of them. Darian threw himself backwards and scrambled back,

" _Don't you dare._ " She warned venomously, throwing every ounce of an Alpha order into it as would go.

The man went rigid, bowing slightly under the order and shaking violently, halfway to a transformation no doubt. "I want to know what the _fuck_ you drugged me with, Darian. _Now._ "

The shapeshifter shuddered under the order, the words leaving his mouth sounding as though they were being said by someone choking on nails. "I gave you the medications you needed, Daula. I just gave you a higher dosage than I should have."

" _Why_?" She demanded sharply, forcing back the need to cry. She couldn't. Wouldn't give this man that satisfaction. _God._ He'd betrayed all of her trust. All of it. Months of counseling and...

"It was an order."

"From who?"

"I don't know her name. Please, Daula. I only did as ordered. I didn't have a choice. _Please._ "

Dol bared her teeth, body aching to transform for the first time in years. Making her ache to dive forward and punish this man.

"Why did they want me drugged? Who was it?"

"I don't know. God I don't know. I just know what I was told. To gain your trust. To lower your defenses. That I couldn't tell anyone. I never lied to you. I used honesty to manipulate you. I didn't lie. _Please._ "

"Please?" She scoffed, shaking her head. "Embry, is there any way at all to find out who he's working for?"

"Not easily." Her beta answered after a moment. "The global pack dynamics fluctuate too much and loners like him can be picked up by any alpha that takes interest without them realizing it."

"Someone's out for my blood. Kill him, Embry."

"No! Wait, please!" Darian scrambled further back until he was pressed against the wall, the only thing keeping him human had to be her still standing order. There was a certain sick pleasure she took in the feeling of him begging her for his life, bittersweet satisfaction. "I'll join your pack. I'll do anything. I've got a kid. I'm all she's got. _Please._ "

That should've hit some sympathy card but it didn't. She'd gone into this prepared, because he knew everything about her. Knew her mind better than she did. It also helped that she was still experiencing the detachment that had been plaguing her for months. While it should've scared the ever living Hell out of her, it didn't. It allowed her to focus on the issue of the fact she'd been drugged to the point that she couldn't care less about anything.

"Is there anything else I should know? Anything at all." She asked, at this point she doubted he'd be stupid enough to lie to her, not that she intended on letting him live.

"I don't _know_ anything. I did what I was ordered to. _Please._ I never lied to you. You're part of the family."

" _Family_?" Anger seared through her and for the first time in over a year she felt her skin itching, aching to transmute into her other form. A nearly inhuman growl escaped her as she crossed the distance between them. He yelped loudly as she kicked him hard in the stomach. "You _aren't_ family. Seth may be, but you aren't. You are _nothing_ to me other than someone that _stabbed me in the back._ " She knelt down. _Hold still._ She bared her teeth as she grabbed his neck. "You can go rot in the deepest pits of whatever Hell may exist. You _drugged_ me. Left me unable to care about _anything._ Do you have any _idea_ how fucking _terrifying_ that is?"

"The detachment isn't from the medication. I never lied."

"No, but you didn't help. It got worse. It got _so much worse_. And it took _two months_ for me to realize it. Do you have _any clue_ what I did? I've been riding a high of ignorant bliss and…" Her throat closed as she tightened her grip. God she'd fucked up. So bad.

"Dol, please." He was helpless, immobilized by an order and she felt so _powerful._ Terrifyingly _powerful._ A choked breath escaped her as she dropped him, stumbling back.

"Embry. Kill him. Please." Because she couldn't do this. Couldn't kill him. Not because she was physically incapable. She couldn't because she _wanted to_ and it terrified her. She wanted to watch him choke on air, gasp for breath under her hand. Listen to his pleas for mercy. She wanted him to _suffer_ and that _wasn't_ who she was. Dol didn't enjoy the suffering of others. Didn't make them bend to her will.

Her eyes closed as Embry's bones cracked, as he brushed soft fur against her side. As Darian screamed for help. For her not to do this.

A snarl.

 _Crack._

Lethal silence.

.-~*~-.

 _12 months…_

It had been a year since Bella died, and she was tired. So damned _tired._ In a relationship she wasn't supposed to be in. That she felt like she had to stick to because she did care about Paul. Loved him as a friend. She couldn't break his heart and what was a relationship anyways? Makeout sessions and watching movies? Being emotionally attached to the one that you were with? She was emotionally attached to Paul. He was her friend. She loved him. But it was different. It wasn't the undying unbreakable love she felt for Bella. Definitely not the loyal, I would die for you, way she loved Mike. Then there was Alec.

She cut that line of thought off before it could progress into the carefully concealed heartbreak. Because she knew she was in love with him. She also knew there was never a chance for anything more.

Paul.

 _God I fucked up._

She should've told him. Told him what Darian did. That the drugs had fogged her mind. Made her happy and content with everything. But she hadn't.

Her eyes opened and she stared at the glass of whiskey the bartender had placed in front of her.

A year. A year since Bella had buried herself. She should've been in better shape but instead she felt...Hollow.

She had a right to drink tonight. Because all of those wounds were wide open and every thought she had felt like another pile of salt shoved into place.

Why couldn't she be detached from her emotions today?

Dol bit hard on her cheek as she surrendered, lifting the glass and drinking the burning liquid down in one swig. It was practiced, easy. Like breathing. So simple to just slip into it. To down one after the next. Because she'd done this. At the start she'd done this. One drink after the next. Drank until she couldn't _think._ Couldn't _feel._ And _God_ it was good. Perfect, blissful _freedom_. From thought. From everything that wanted to plague her. From the nightmares of torturing her sister against her will. The feeling of Kachiri using their connection to _break_ her sister.

By the time that the bartender cut her off and told her to go home she was itching for a fight. Just because the idea of beating someone's face in sounded fun. She shouldn't have been the only one suffering after all.

 _An alley way._ Dol stared at her bloodied knuckles then flicked her gaze to the body of the man. A single man. A stupid man. He wasn't dead. Just unconscious, bleeding heavily from where she'd punched him in the nose, probably broken it. His face was battered and bruised and she didn't really remember doing it. Her thoughts we too clouded from the alcohol consumption. There's been a reason for it. He'd probably tried to attack her. At least that was what she decided was the case. Kicking the man in the side, or at least that was her attempt, instead she somehow caught him in the back of the skull, she headed out of the alley where her mom's car sat angled awkwardly on the entry drive. Had she parked it there?

Probably.

Dol walked around it, slipping into the driver's seat and spotting the whiskey bottle in the passenger seat she pulled it to her mouth, chugging down a long drink and sighing in contentment at the feeling of alcohol burning through her system.

Why had she stopped drinking? It felt so _good_. No thoughts about her actions. No depression. It was Heaven. Absolutely thrilling.

Sure, it was artificial. But it was so _good_. Something nagged at the back of her mind, told her how stupid it was, _why_ she'd stopped.

This time she was prepared. It was different this time.

Except was it? She bit hard on her cheek as she began the drive back towards Forks.

If she was confronted by another shapeshifter again, would she be able to defend herself? Last time she'd been helpless. Too-

" _No._ " She bit out, cutting her thoughts off. She wouldn't remember that. Not a chance in Hell.

Even then.

 _Bella. Bella ran. It was her choice and she chose to leave. To abandon you. And you couldn't tell. So caught in your self pity._

" _No!_ " She screamed out, slamming on the gas and reaching over, rolling the windows down. Letting the wind whip across her face and hair. Trying to use the sound to drown out the thoughts.

Then it happened. Too fast for her to react properly. A deer darting across the highway and her jerking the wheel to the left.

A scream.

Her foot hitting the break as she plunged into the woods.

Blackness.

When Dol woke she wasn't sure where she was. It was still dark. There was a terrible sharp pain in her skull.

She blinked several time, trying to will the dots out of her vision.

 _Fuck._

She'd driven off the road. By some miracle she'd missed every single one of the trees, but only barely. From where she sat she could faintly see just how close she'd come to crashing into that tree.

 _Stupid stupid stupid._

Worse was, she didn't really care. She was alive wasn't she?

Dol took a breath and turned the key, growling in irritation when the engine stuttered but refused to start.

Well that wasn't good.

Dol bit her lip and tried again. _Fuck._

Nothing. The engine was dead.

Well. What better way to end this horrible day than a dead car? Oh right.

Well. They could deal with this in the morning. She shoved open her door and grabbed the bottle from the passenger seat before clambering out of the driver's side and beginning the walk to the reservation. Dol stumbled into Paul's house at around four a.m. to see her boyfriend, because that's what he was, he boyfriend, despite the fact that she didn't see him as more than a friend. A sharp laugh escaped her as she sauntered into the living room, where Paul had clearly been passed out on the couch.

Oh she was a cunt. Leading him on. It was such a bitch move. But perhaps she was right to do it.

"You're drunk."

"'course I am." She was positively beaming as she crossed the space between them, she plopped down into his lap, straddling his waist and wrapping her arms around his neck in her most coordinated move of the night.

"Dol, what-"

She leaned forward and kissed him, it was an easy move. A practiced move. She also missed the center of his mouth, catching the corner.

"Wait-" She kissed him again. Catching his mouth this time and pressing herself against him, listening to the low whine in his throat as he returned the kiss. And _oh was it great. Why had she been stupid enough to give this up?_

"Dol, _stop._ " He turned his head away, gripped her hips tightly and lifted her off him with too much ease.

" _Why?_ " She demanded, struggling under his hold, "You know you wan' t'. You know you wan' _me_."

Paul gave her a very conflicted look as she twisted out of his hold, rising to her feet and spread her arms invitingly.

"Not like this, Dol. I told you this."

She laughed, a bitter sound escaping her. God what was this? Where was the Paul she'd known as a kid? The dick that had mentally scarred Bella for her entire life, embedded a fear of himself and the entire pack in a child.

"'cause I'm drunk?"

"Because you're drunk and still-"

"I don' care 'bou' you, Paul. Haven't in…" she tilted her head to the side. "Ever. You've been a crutch. Nothin' else."

Paul stared at her for several long moments, a sick expression crossing his expression. "Why?"

"Got bored." She lied easily. Because why not? What was stopping her? Something in her mind screamed at her. Told her to _stop_. But she was riling him up. She knew it. She could see that temper flaring beneath the surface of him. "Saw you as a pathetic little puppy dog. Thought I'd give a chance. Wasn't worth it. You're a needy little thing. Pathetic."

Paul growled low in his throat and Dol felt a sick thrill in the miserable look on his face. "Look at me." Was she drunk anymore? Felt like it. Or high. " _Look at me."_ His eyes snapped to her. "I don't love you. I don't care. You can go hump a bush like the little pup you've been actin' like." Paul bared his teeth at her, growling deep in his throat.

Before she could react there was a grey wolf flying across the room, hitting her with brutal force and sending her flat onto her back. Her head hit the floor _hard_. Jaw snapping shut as her vision was splattered with black spots. Claws ripped through her dress and the skin of her stomach and she cried out in pain, struggling against him as he backed off. She struggled into a sitting position, vision still distorted and an agonizingly painful sensation ripping through her skull.

 _There's the Paul I know._

 _Fuck you, Dol._

Dol's mouth twisted into a sharp smile and she spit to the side, catching the sight of blood when she did.

" _Shift._ " She ordered and watched as he complied, "Do you want me?"

"Fuck off." He responded harshly.

"Fuck _me._ " She ordered and his entire being went rigid. _Fuck me, Paul. I know you want to just_ do _it._

He could've fought her and she would've released the order. No matter how much she was basking in his anger, she would _never_ cross that line. But a no wasn't uttered. Instead he crossed the space between them, kissing her harshly and shoving her backwards onto the floor.

"I hate you." He growled as he ripped the remains of her dress from her body.

"No you don't."

 _ **God, I hate you.**_ **I know you do. Guys, I have a lot to talk about here. A bunch. As much as I love you, Dol. I need to talk to them directly.** _ **Go ahead.**_

 **This chapter has a bunch of mental health talk. As I've mentioned, I've never been to therapy. I'm not in any way shape or form properly informed about mental health. When I did the aspect on her mental conditions, I actually researched mental conditions and what they behave like, which, let's be honest, Bella has** _ **serious**_ **mental issues. I have no intentions of mocking these issues, because they're serious. But I needed this scene with her therapist and it kind of made me curious so I thought I'd connect it. The conditions that Darian thinks she has aren't meant to be a true medical diagnosis though they're the best I could come up with from my researching.**

 **As for the last scene. I mentioned a warning at the top but thought I'd explain this as well. There was a** _ **very**_ **blurry line of consent in that scene. Paul could've said no despite it being an order. No matter how sadistic she was being at the moment, she wouldn't have truly forced him. But there was the order and everything else. It's a blurred line of consent.**


	5. Chapter Four

**Here we go, heading into the part of the story that I'm eager about.** _ **Which part is that?**_ **You know what part that is.** _ **True. Though I really hate it.**_ **I know. Sorry, Dol.** _ **I'll live. At least for now.**_

 _Paul, I will only do this once and only because you're ignoring my phone calls._ Dol paused, staring at herself in the mirror. At the dark circles under her eyes, the distinctive bite marks and bruises that ran down her neck. _I don't remember much about last night. What I do remember…_ Her eyes burned with tears as she gripped the sink, stomach churning. _You're my only friend. I can't lose you. I_ can't. _I don't know the details, but I can guess some of it and_ God _I am sorry. I don't know what I told you, but I do care about you. You're my only real friend._ Please, _Paul. Talk to me, please._

Dol stared at herself, tears running down her cheeks.

 _Please._

Nothing. No words. Just silence.

What had she _done_?

There were flashes. Her mom's car was God knows where and she was just…

 _Fuck._

One night, one horrible night, and she was alone again. Wouldn't it be worth it to sink back into the drinking and sex from before? Some part of her told her yes. That she should do it. The other part screamed at her that she shouldn't. Couldn't. She needed to be clear headed. But what for? What was the _point_? When she was clear headed she remembered everything she'd done. All the shitty things.

 _Aunt El needs you._ A voice that sounded hauntingly like her sister's rang through her head. Not that it was her. Bella was gone. Had been for three hundred and sixty six days now.

Before she realized it was happening a loud crack rang through the room and Dol was stumbling back, staring between her bloody hands and the now completely detached porcelain of the sink on the other side of the bathroom. The broken glass of the window.

"Daula?!" He mother called from downstairs and her throat closed. What had she just done?

"I'm fine, mom! Just...Lost control…" She flexed her fingers, staring the bloody gashes in her knuckles.

"Baby girl, are you okay?" Dol flinched slightly at her mother's voice outside the door.

"No." She whispered, voice cracking. She didn't miss the hitch of her mom's voice when the door opened behind her. But for all the things her mother was, judging wasn't one of them. An arm rested on her shoulder and turned her, Dol refused to meet her mother's gaze but complied.

"You have to talk to me, sweetheart. I know you aren't good at it but you need to talk to me. What happened?"

Dol licked her lips, stomach churning. "I did something horrible last night."

"Besides nearly wrecking my car?" There was an uneasy smile in the woman's voice, but it was good natured. She wasn't mad.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Now tell me what happened that I don't know about."

Dol shuddered. "I...I think I might've...Mom, something happened. A few months back. I was seeing Seth's uncle for counseling and...He put me on medication…" her mom gripped her shoulder tighter, pulling her from the bathroom and towards the stairs. "But it wasn't right. He was drugging me. It clouded my judgements. Made me lose control over my actions." Her eyes closed, tears filling them. "I started dating Paul. I realized then what was wrong. I stopped the medicine. Then I killed him...Well Embry did. On my orders." They were on the couch now, he curled into her mother's side. "I didn't tell Paul. I led him on because I figured, we're emotionally connected and he knows I won't want sex due to the medicine and...That. I don't remember last night but… I think I forced him. I think I raped him and he won't talk to me and…" she broke down into a fit of sobs, clinging desperately to her mother as she held her whispering words that didn't really mean anything. Meaningless words. Just whispers.

"You didn't rape him." Her mother finally said, and before she could interrupt the woman continued. "I'm biased in opinions, I know. But listen to me. You didn't rape him. He showed up this morning with you and put you to bed. Told me to tell you that he was done, but that he also didn't blame you. You know him better than any of us. If you'd truly hurt him, what would he have done?"

Dol thought of the clawmarks, which she wasn't questioning, the bites, and the bruises covering her. The residual of what had to be angry sex. But if Paul had been truly angry? He had a huge temper. It didn't matter who she was to him. The second the order was gone, he would've seriously hurt her, possibly killed her, and she would've been too drunk to have considered any prevention orders. She rarely remembered them when she was level headed.

"It doesn't make it better."

"No." Dol flinched at the brutal honesty, but was also grateful for it. "But you can make things better. Please, baby girl. Come home. Stop self destructing and _come home._ "

It was a request she'd heard so many times and _tried_ to give into. The stupid counseling, the lack of drinking, but the issue was she wasn't _normal_. Couldn't just ' _come home_ '. Not in the way everyone wanted her to. Home for her was by her sister's side, no matter the condition. It wasn't this place where she'd resided as a small child. It wasn't with the woman that had given birth to her. The fact of the matter was, this wasn't home. She couldn't pretend otherwise.

But she could stay here. With her mother. In a place that held painful memories. She could try to keep a promise made to the girl who may have abandoned her. Live for the both of them. She could stop self destructing. Try to do things right. Try to be _good._

"Okay."

 _.-~*~-._

Dol bit her cheek, looking in the mirror and frowning at the bulge in her stomach. It wasn't fat. It couldn't be fat. Shapeshifters didn't gain weight like that. And it was almost hard to the touch, which shouldn't have been possible. The implications shouldn't have been possible. Spectral shapeshifters didn't get pregnant. They _couldn't_ get pregnant.

Her stomach churned, as it had been for a while now, and she pressed against the harder flesh.

" _Spectral shapeshifters are infertile. We don't know why but you can't have children. I hope you didn't have dreams of being a mother."_ Quil's words rang through her and she felt a pang of sadness. She hadn't really known him, but he'd been a good man. And he'd helped them. God had he helped. Then he'd never spoken to her again.

"I can't be." She said softly, to herself. Even if she was, she didn't want this. She'd never wanted to be a parent. She didn't know how to be. All she knew was years of servantry. How could someone who was barely their own person possibly raise a child?

She ran her fingers across the skin again and again, as though touching it might will it away.

Then she began to panic, her breathing sped up and she found herself throwing up into the toilet, sobbing uncontrollably. No. This wasn't a pregnancy. It _couldn't_ be. Which meant something else was wrong with her. Something else horribly wrong.

Because she _couldn't_ be pregnant.

Eventually, her mother came to her and pulled her into an embrace. Told her that she could be pregnant. Told her they needed to go to a store. To at the very least _check._ Which is how she found herself staring at sixteen pregnancy tests. Thirteen of which had that dreaded plus sign.

 _I'm pregnant._

It was horrifying. The idea of being a mother.

 _Pregnant._

There were a hundred questions that she could ask but she knew the answers to most of them. _Three months._ _That night. Has to be Paul._

The only question that could nag at her was one.

 _How am I pregnant?_

Spectral shapeshifters couldn't become pregnant. It was a fact as old as their species. She _couldn't_ be pregnant. Female shapeshifters didn't PMS in general but spectral never had children. Ever.

Yet, there she was. Staring at thirteen positive pregnancy tests.

" _Shit, shit, shit._ Mom, I _can't_ be pregnant! I can't!"

She was in full blown panic mode.

"I know-"

"I can't. It's not _possible._ It's-"

"It's very well possible." Her mother's tone was scolding, but sympathetic. "Everyone is capable of pregnancy. Even people on birth control. I love you, sweetheart. You know that. But you were reckless. I know you hate being reminded, but it has to be said. You aren't a normal spectral shapeshifter. Whatever they did to you with that God awful SH has left you vulnerable to things none of the rest of your species is. Is it so hard to believe you could end up pregnant?"

Dol froze, _hating_ the logic of her words. Because she was _right._ The massive dose of SH had done more than leave her unable to change between forms. It had left her physical talents from being a shapeshifter finicky. Who was to say it wouldn't have left her vulnerable to pregnancy? She should've been more careful. She should've _listened._ Instead she was stupid and childish.

"You're right. It's my own stupid fault. I should've listened when Embry warned me. When you warned me. Instead I acted out and now I'm paying the price." She shuddered, shutting her eyes.

"It isn't a price." Her mother reprimanded, cupping her face in her hands and kissing her forehead. "It's a blessing. It's something to hold onto. That is your child. Your baby."

"I'm going to fuck it up." She responded, not opening her eyes. "I have nothing to go off of. I was a prisoner almost all of my life. Mom, I _can't._ "

"What would you do then, Daula? Would you abort it? Get rid of-"

"No!" She blinked at the sudden panic in her own voice, the instinctive hand on her stomach. A smile played on her mother's lips.

"You can do this, baby girl. I promise you can. You just have to try."

Her gaze flicked down as she stared her her hand, rubbing absently at the strange abnormality in the flesh.

"Can I ask, is...He the father?"

"No." The response was instant, a lie, but Paul couldn't know. She would never do that to him. Not in a million years. Besides, they all thought she was a whore. It wouldn't hurt not to tell them otherwise.

.-~*~-.

She visited Bella four times a week. Just talked. Rambled about anything she could. Tried to get through. But she didn't tell her she was pregnant. She wouldn't guilt her sister with that. She was past that.

.-~*~-.

Things changed severely seven months into her pregnancy. It wasn't the good kind of change, because since when was change ever good for her? She'd decided she was pregnant with a girl, a girl she'd name Marie for Bella. She was working part time at a diner in town as a waitress. She'd finally met some of the locals, though she quickly burned bridges when someone tried to make advances on her.

Things were okay. Until a connection she hadn't felt in over a year flared to life in pure, raw panic. Anger.

 _Mike._

She dropped her notepad halfway through scribbling an order down, hand coming down on her stomach as she feigned illness. It was a kneejerk reaction to the words coming over that connection. _Dol! I need help! Please! They caught me and- oh God. I don't know if you can hear this but it_ hurts. _I'm...I'm stuck between. SH._

 _Where are you?_ She demanded as she rushed to the backroom. A shifter by the name of Levi who was the main chef caught her gaze and nodded sharply once as she bailed out the back door.

 _Just coming into Forks when they ran me off the road._ Dol felt her skin tearing at itself, trying to let her transform. She was mindful of the pregnancy. Of her oversized stomach. _She said if I called anyone but you she'd kill me._

 _I'll be there soon._ Dol swore to her Imprintee as she threw herself into the driver's seat.

 _But you're pregnant, Dol. You need-_

 _You're priority, Mike and I'm not going to get myself killed._ Dol bit back, flinching at the sharpness in her words. Because baby Marie, she was important. She was important. A pained sound escaped her because the Imprint pulled her and had her driving to the edge of Forks.

 _Be careful. She says she just wants to talk but the SH isn't very promising._

 _What is she?_

 _A vampire. She says her name is Sunny._

Sunny the Vampire. It sounded like a name out of a bad book.

Ten minutes later she'd ditched her car at the edge of the forest where Mike's crashed car was half impaled on a tree. A black sedan sat a few feet off, stinking of vampire but completely empty. Following the draw of the Imprint, she found Mike, collapsed in a heap on the ground at the start of a transformation. Dol knelt down by him, running her fingers through his hair and jerking around at the crunch of leaves. The girl that emerged from behind a tree had golden curls and electrical blue eyes, no older than sixteen.

Out of instinct she bared her teeth. "What do you _want_?" She demanded of the vampire as it spread it's hands out passively.

"Stefan has requested your presence."

Her blood ran cold, _Stefan?_ He'd _lived_? She'd heard that a lot of people escaped the battle in Missouri and that in the end the Volturi had fallen, but she'd thought he'd died.

"What does he want?"

The vampire kept her stance neutral, gaze wandering to her stomach. "Your assistance. You were an ally to him in Missouri and he wishes for you to travel to Volterra and assist him."

Her breath caught in her throat at the mention of Volterra. "Tell him to go fuck off." Her voice shook with minor panic that she couldn't bury. "Did you honestly think _attacking_ my Imprint would buy you any sort of 'good guy' points?"

"I did what I had to to. If I had attempted to approach you directly your pack would have attacked me." Which was true, but didn't make it anywhere near okay.

"Fuck you."

"I am willing to give you…five months to make a choice. It will give you time to complete your pregnancy and spend time with your child. If you don't come with me then, we will take you by force, and the first casualty will be Mike." There was a half snarl from behind her and she was throwing herself through the air, slamming into the marble body with supernatural force and screaming out as bones cracked against the vampire. Because she wasn't durable anymore. She was fragile and broken and-

Whether deliberate or instictual the vampire threw her backwards, sending her sliding across the ground and colliding into a tree trunk with serious force, damaging force, that completely blacked her out.

.-~*~-.

Dol woke up in a hospital.

She had almost died, so had her baby.

.-~*~-.

A month later she was fully healed and her pregnancy was stabilized. The first thing she did was visit Bella.

" _Wake up. Please, Bella. Wake up._ " It was time to tell her. She had to tell her. _"I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. I think it's going to be a girl."_ Tears blurred her vision. It hurt. So bad. _"I know you're lost in your head but maybe one of these days you'll see what I'm showing you."_ She leaned back and looked down at her stomach. A month. If she was lucky. The near miscarriage was definitely proving she was lucky. She laid her hand on her stomach. " _I'm going to name her Marie."_ She paused. _"I screwed up a few months back and almost killed myself."_ She closed her eyes, leaned her head back, and looked at the sky before opening them again. The moon was full and the stars were exceptionally bright. It was a beautiful night, but maybe this would've been better in the day. _"I miss you so much but it's getting easier. The baby is making it easier. I might be okay."_ Sunny's words rang through her but she forced them away. She wouldn't leave her daughter. Not now. Not after finally making progress. She'd find a way. She laid down on the top of the burial spot and closed her eyes again. _"I love you, Bella."_

She slept there that night, on top of her sister and next to the sunflowers, she slept.

.-~*~-.

Sixty-five hours of labor. Sixty-five. _Why_ had she thought it was a good idea to do a natural birth? _Why_?

Oh yeah.

The natural experience.

 _Stupid stupid stupid._

Sixty-five hours later and she was holding a healthy baby boy.

Her mom had named him Brady, after her brother which Dol hadn't known she'd had. Apparently he'd died several years before she was born though her mother had stubbornly refused to elaborate. Not that she'd really cared.

 _Not a girl . A boy. His name is Brady, Bella. Brady Uley._ She said softly over that connection, _He has my eyes. We're wondering if he'll be spectral as well. Wouldn't that be interesting? Another spectral? I know there was Jake but he was a sick twisted experiment who wasn't really like me. He was very wrong. But Brady is right. I can feel it. He's my baby. My son. I'll do good. For you. For him._

Dol cradled her son to her chest, nursing him and shutting her eyes. _Her son._

So it was only a matter of time that it all fell apart. Because they didn't get nice things. Just illusions of happiness.

.-~*~-.

Dol hadn't forgotten Sunny's warning. Not really. It was just at the back of her mind while she tried to be a good mother.

Brady was exhausting. He cried a lot and was the most uncooperative person she'd ever met. Then again, he was a baby. It was probably wrong for her to assume he'd cooperate.

Yeah, she didn't like babies. If her mother wasn't there she probably wouldn't have been able to handle him at all. Her mom told her it was normal, but she was concerned that the near miscarriage had done something to him, even if he was a shapeshifter -which he was- she was barely shapeshifter. Though his father was definitely a shapeshifter. It didn't change that worry. She'd nearly gotten herself and her unborn child killed, all because she hadn't been able to control her Imprint instincts. There was no way she would get away with that mistake. Her life was never that simple.

 _Bella, he's beautiful. Looks like me. Looks a bit like his father too. Not that he'll ever know. He hasn't spoken to me since...That night. Not that I blame him. But I'll do right with him. I'll raise him well. Even if he's a nightmare._

She didn't visit anymore. Not really. But she told her stories. Spoke across a lethally silent connection. Prayed her sister would return to her. Not that it happened. Probably never would.

 _Dol._ Mike's voice broke through her and she froze, _I need you to come here. Sunny's back._

Dol stared down at her son, shaking slightly as her baby boy slept. As he slept peacefully. Sunny was back, come to retrieve her. To take her to Volterra.

Carefully she flexed her fingers out, trying to push through that burn, to shift, but nothing happened. Which meant she was vulnerable. Completely vulnerable.

 _She says if you don't come here in the next hour she'll kill me and my fiancee then kill your son and your pack._

Could that vampire succeed at such a task? Probably not. But if she was being backed by Stefan she no doubt had a mass of vampires backing her. Which meant…

"Mom!" She called out, possibly a bit too loud as Brady squirmed in his sleep, rolling into his back and stretching out.

She ran before she could look into ever changing eyes. Her mom grabbed her at the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Mike. Mike called. He needs me to come by. Please, mom. Watch Brady. I'll be home in a few." She'd practiced lying, done it so much in the last two years that it was as simple as breathing. Even then, she's not sure she succeeded. Until her mom released her shoulder.

"Come back, Dol. Come back to me and come back to Brady. Don't get yourself hurt." Dol bit the inside of her cheek. Of course she knew. Of course she'd seen through it.

"I promise I'll come back. I'd never leave Brady without his mom. I promise." Then she was out the door, before she could think too much on her son crying upstairs.

The drive was gloomy, rain dumping from the sky like a Damned omen. She hoped it wasn't an omen. She drove fast, praying that she wasn't caught. There wasn't time. She had to drive. _Stay away from Mike's house unless I say otherwise._

 _Is everything okay?_ Seth's voice came over, concerned.

 _It will be, but just in case, watch my mom, watch Brady._

There was no answer, just a thread of unease from her pack.

She wouldn't die. She'd promised.

Outside of Mike's house she screeched to a halt, throwing herself out into the icy rain as she stormed to the front of the house. Inside it was quiet except for the clear sound of crying. _Jessica._

With confidence that was mostly false she stepped into the living room where Sunny sat between Mike and Jessica, it was distinctly clear Mike was on edge, yet again dosed with SH no doubt. Jessica glared at her with a violently accusatory look. A look that said 'this is your fault'.

"I told you I'm not interested." Dol held herself strong, tall, trying to elicit a threat with body language alone.

"I told Stefan that. He didn't seem interested in your opinion on the matter."

"That doesn't sound like the Stefan I knew."

"I don't know who you knew, but the current ruler is attempting to reorder our entire species before they realize there's no working order."

"I still don't see how that's my problem."

"You _owe_ him, Daula Uley. You and your sister overthrew them, burned the city to the ground."

"Tell him I said to go fuck himself. I'm not-"

"Either you join me or I kill everyone you love."

"You and what army?"

"The army Stefan has sitting and waiting on the edge of town." Sunny stretched out, resting her arm over Jessica's shoulder in what could've been a passive movement between friends, however based off Jessica's reaction, jerking away from the contact, it was clearly the opposite.

 _Dol, please._ Mike met her gaze and she had no choice. She had to do what he wanted. What he needed. Even if it meant breaking a promise. His safety was priority.

"Leave them out of this."

"Come with me." The woman responded and Dol swallowed heavily, spreading her arms. This woman rang wrong with her in every sense of the word.

 _Mike, I'm going to do something. I have to. She's not going to let the two of you live._ Her gaze wandered to the full length window behind them.

 _Dol-_

 _All of you, listen closely. I'm going to leave. And God I'm sorry. I have no choice. Tell Mom to find someone. Someone to care for Brady. I...I'm sorry. Make sure Mike is protected. That Jessica is protected._ All _of you. Don't look for me. Don't track me. Don't try to make anyone else find me. Just...Stay away. I'll come back. I will. If it kills me I'll come back. But until then, don't look for me._ The order rang sickeningly through her, then she threw herself across the room, slamming into Sunny with all of her strength, pulling her off the couch and kicking outwards on the bottom with the remainder of her strength, shoving both Mike and Jessica with it through the window. The window shattered and Jessica screamed.

Dol managed to use strength she barely had to grip the vampire's head, ripping it off and collapsing at the dagger pain that tore through her body from fractured bones.

She had to move. She had to go. _How did you do that?_ Mike asked, internal voice panicked.

 _She was going to kill you. Mike, take Jessica and find the pack. Go._

She heard a pained sound from him that came from outside the shattered window as she struggled to her feet, fumbling towards the street and her car with Sunny's head in hand. Quietly she settled into the seat and dropped the dismembered head into the passenger seat. Then she drove. Drove until she reached the edge of the city, where she sensed a strong vampire presence. With head in hand she stepped out, throwing the body part on the ground.

"Take me to Stefan or get the hell off my land!" She called out and watched the small army emerged from the top of the treeline.

"You killed her." A young dark haired girl said bluntly and Dol smiled sweetly.

"She tried to kill my Imprint."

"You're supposed to be vulnerable."

"I am. Just not weak. Now take me to your leader you assholes or get the fuck off my land." The girl vampire bit her lip before nodding.

"My name is Kayden and we're here to retrieve you so you can assist Stefan."

"Assist or be punished? Sunny was very sketchy on that."

"I was told you would assist him." And Dol believed the girl.

"I'll come willingly. But if any of you lays a hand on my pack, I'll dismember you."

The girl nodded jerkily and Dol smiled venomously at the other vampires before the girl stepped forward, offering her hands.

 **And so it was. I did a lot of rereading and rechecking and hopefully this fit with the continuity. I thought her meeting Kayden should be something special considering the part she played in Venom. Her rise to power may actually have been one of my favorites even if it was only briefly touched on.**

 **I almost screwed myself on the pregnancy, I wanted to make her go into labor after the first fight with Sunny but it didn't fit with Bella's memory so I couldn't. I had this whole scene planned then it just didn't work out, sadly. Anyways. Done rambling. Hope y'all are enjoying because it's all downhill from here. Or uphill. I guess it depends on how you look at a deadly rise to power.**


	6. Chapter Five

**Okay I'm doing a bad job at balancing. I'm having a lot of fun with my SPN fanfictions.** _ **Abandoner.**_ **I didn't abandon you.** _ **You abandoned us. If I hadn't spent six hours nagging you today you would've stayed away.**_ **Do you blame me? Your trip to Volterra wasn't pretty.** _ **I know. Stefan was an asshole.**_ **You held yourself together pretty well.**

Dol bit hard on her cheek as she was guided down the corridors of Volterra.

Coming back here? It was a nightmare wrapped in barbed wire. It was a complete horror show that made her throat close and her heart ache. This had been her prison. The place her and her sister had spent their childhood prisoners. The place where she knew her sister had been forced to do unspeakable things.

Anger coiled in her gut and she felt her skin burning. She needed _out_ of this form. She needed _freedom_.

 _You're going to die down here unless you can shift._ Something told her and she no doubt paled as she froze in her steps, staring down the hallway.

 _No. No. I can't do this. I can't. I need_ -

" _Breathe._ "

Oh God. She was talking to herself. A hysterical laughter escaped her as the vampires with her picked her up, carrying her with ease.

 _Hey, Bells. I don't know if you'll ever hear this. I'm flipping my lid. Thanks for giving me the crazy._

"Daula." She flinched away from the voice, opening her eyes which she hadn't realized she'd shut.

"It's Dol." She bit out and Stefan sighed, shaking his head.

"I heard about your sister, Daula. I'm sorry."

"Don't you _dare_ talk about her like you knew her." She stepped forward, or tried to, the grips on her arms tightened in response and she bristled.

"Girls, let her go. She's a guest."

"She beheaded Sunny." One of the two said quietly, meanwhile the one she knew was Kayden released her.

Meanwhile Dol was trying to process the word "guest". She wasn't a guest. She was a prisoner, again, and it was bullshit. There had been a time when she trusted Stefan. He'd been cooperative in the past, had treated them well.

When he'd sent for her he'd stepped over a line and she knew he knew better.

"Why am I here, Stefan?" She questioned, effectively removing her arm from the second girl's grip and holding herself a bit higher.

"I need your help." He said patiently.

"Then you call. You don't send your fucking minions to threaten my Imprint!"

Stefan frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid." She snapped, "You know what I'm talking about. Sunny threatened both my Imprint and his fiancee when I told her to fuck off because I was pregnant!" Almost out of reflex she reached down and touched her stomach.

"You had a child?" The vampire questioned and she bit back an angry remark. Because that was the only thing he'd acknowledged.

 _I'll come home to you, Brady boy. Promise._

"Yes. A son who I promised I'd come back to. Who I _will_ go back to. Now why am I here?" She demanded. She was done with this. She wanted to go home. She never should've left.

" _I promise."_

"As you can see, I've instated myself as the sole ruler in Volterra."

"What happened to Vladimir?"

"Killed in Missouri."

"You sound disappointed." She responded dryly and he shrugged.

"A lot of people died that night. Vladimir was a longtime companion. Don't mistake my acceptance as a lack of grief, Daula."

He could've fooled her. Did he know what real emotion was? "Then don't mistake me being here as willingness. What do you need my help with so I can get the fuck out of this hellhole."

Stefan frowned before nodding. "Very well. Bring him in." He ordered and she turned around, watching as a figure was carried into the room.

 _Shit._

Three vampires came through the doorway holding a half limp vampire between them.

A vampire she knew.

"Daula Uley, you are one of the only living witnesses to the incident in Missouri that we have been able to contact. At the time your sister was the bloodbag property of the deceased, Emmett and you were the shapeshifter property of the deceased, Kachiri. As of the destruction of Syracuse, Missouri's vampire established city you and her both are assets to be transferred to the highest ranking vampire establishment and be executed for your crimes against your owners and the city. Unless you stand as a witness I will hold out that execution."

Dol turned on Stefan in a moment, her heart sinking as his words sunk in. She'd known from the moment of her arrival what would happen. That she wasn't leaving. They wouldn't let her leave and she was virtually trapped.

Was it worth ratting out Benjamin to live the rest of her miserable life?

She flicked her gaze backwards, meeting the tortured eyes of the vampire that had burned that hellish city to the ground.

Her memories were assaulted with ever changing eyes that matched her own.

 _Brady._

"What will happen to me, Stefan?"

"It depends on your cooperation." The vampire answered boredly.

"Will I see my son again?"

"Yes." The vampire answered. Dol wasn't sure she believed him. In fact, she didn't. But she'd been in this situation before, and she'd been younger. They'd nearly overthrown the Volturi when they were kids, when she was nothing but a hallucination.

"I'm sorry, Benjamin." She said quietly, turning her focus to Stefan. She hadn't known Benjamin but he'd destroyed the city for them. He'd ended that nightmare. Rightfully, they shouldn't have been able to hold him, which meant somewhere in this place there was a shield.

For a moment she wondered who and where they were.

"What do you want me to say, Stefan?"

Stefan straightened his back, "Benjamin of Egypt, you stand before me today because you have been named as the vampire who burned Syracuse, Missouri's vampire established city to the ground. Do you deny these allegations?"

"Yes." He answered tiredly. "I've told you before, Stefan. I possess no ability and would never have subjected Tia to the torture of being burned alive."

"Yet Tia was not in Syracuse at the time of the burning. She was visiting with your creator Amun in South Africa for unspecified reasons."

"I didn't know." He responded. "Please, Stefan. We have known each other for decades. If I had an ability, you would know. Whatever the slave says, it's a ruse. A lie to escape her own execution."

"Daula was once a close companion of mine. She would never lie to me." Stefan brushed off. "Especially considering all she can gain by being honest."

Dol bit the inside of her cheek, glaring at Stefan as he looked past her at Benjamin.

"I will ask once more, Benjamin. If you are honest I may be merciful. Once our witness testifies you _will_ be executed."

"Did I ever stand a chance? Will anyone put on trial by you ever stand a chance? The Volturi may have been power hungry dicks but there were three of them. Every vampire established city has at least three rulers for a reason. You are going to run Volterra into the dirt."

For a moment Stefan's expression flashed before returning to the bored one. "Confess, Benjamin."

"Vladimir was in the city when I burned it, wasn't he? Very well. Yes. I confess. I killed your mate. I burned that whole city to the ground and destroyed billions upon billions of dollars of property. I did it for them and I would do it again. I'm sorry for your loss, Stefan but I won't take what I did back." Dol turned to meet his eyes. She could read his expression clearly without knowing him. It screamed one word. _Run_!

If only she could. Her skin crawled with an incomplete transformation. The need to shift. It was agonizing. Arms firmly wrapped around her wrists and shoulders.

She didn't fight. Couldn't find the will power. It _hurt_. Her skin felt like it was on fire and it was burning. _Hot_. Hotter. _On fire._

 _Stop it! Please!_

.-~*~-.

Her head throbbed in time with her racing pulse as she struggled awake in blackness. It had been years since this had happened. Since she'd woken and not known where she was and for a moment she was terrified. Terrified because the blackness meant she was alone. The blackness meant she was forgotten. It meant Bella-

At that name her brain caught up with her and her stomach turned over as she retched up whatever was in her stomach.

 _Bella. Oh God,_ Bella _, please. I can't do this alone. I can't. Please._

Dol wasn't good at this. She _wasn't_. She relied on Bella. Her sister. She needed her sister. Bella was the strong one. The one that held together in stressful situations. The one that had held herself together after being tortured.

She squeezed her eyes shut, a sob escaping her. It could've been minutes or years that she sat there crying, but eventually the room she was in was illuminated by a gas lamp on the wall.

If she thought back, she _had_ been there before. In an almost identical situation. Until she'd been forcibly pulled back into Bella's mind.

Her eyes flicked open, adjusting slowly to the dim light as her gaze settled on the doorway.

The dungeons. This was exactly where they'd kept her. A quick glance around the room confirmed as much. No beds. Nothing but stone walls, a drain in the far corner, and a single gas lamp. Even the doorway was stone, the interior of the room having no latch. Of course she knew where it was. There was a faint crack around the edges where the stone was typically pulled out.

Last time she'd dreaded that door opening. That door opening had always meant that Jane was coming in to torture her.

If her suspicions were right, Jane wasn't here. Her and Alec were a million miles away.

However, Stefan wasn't in power because of good looks. She didn't know much about the vampire hierarchy but her general experience said power was the key. Missouri proved it didn't necessarily mean an ability, just power. Something she honestly wouldn't have guessed Stefan possessed.

She rose to her feet, crossing the small space and pressing her hands hard again chilled stone.

"Stefan!" She shouted, praying internally that someone would come to her. The purpose of these rooms was to break you mentally. The isolation, the emptiness, the inconsistent meals, it all held the purpose of driving you into insanity. It was down here that Dol was certain Bella had truly had her mind break. Dol was stronger. Had to be.

Even then.

 _Embry, I want you to go to Mom's and stay there. Take care of Brady. Protect my son. Make sure he is safe._ A shudder rippled across her. _If I don't make it back, make sure he has a mom. A mom who loves him. A mom who cares._

Her eyes shut as she remembered ever-changing eyes staring back at her.

 _I love you, Brady._

Dol retreated from the doorway, pressing her back against stone and sliding down the wall.

 _One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…_

…

 _..._ Eighteen thousand four hundred and fifty one seconds was how long it took for the opening in the wall to slide outward. More or less. She'd carefully tracked the time in groups of ten but she couldn't keep it precise.

Around four hours.

"Supper time, Spectral."

"Or is it breakfast?" The sister chimed in as she dropped a tray with a bowl of salad unceremoniously on the floor.

"My name is Dol." She ground out, baring her teeth.

"Whatever." The second rolled her eyes.

"Kayden, right?" Dol completely disregarded the second girl, her focus on the first.

"What do you want?" It was abundantly clear that Kayden was unnerved by her. _Smart girl._

"To talk to Stefan."

"Not gonna happen." The sister spoke up. "Now eat."

Dol ignored her. "He thinks he can break me down here. I _grew up_ in this Hell. Think about that for a second. I was a kid and I survived this place. Aro took me and my sister both when we were ten. We were slaves for years and overthrew the Missouri city. I won't break now." Kayden licked her lips with clear unease while her sister grabbed her arm and tugged. "I want to speak with Stefan. _Now_."

"Our leader doesn't speak to shifter slaves. Now come _on_ , Kayden."

Kayden shot her one final longing look before allowing her sister to drag her out. Dol waited patiently for the door to close before crawling over to the food, staring at the Styrofoam bowl thoughtfully before looking at the greens like they might bite her. There was nothing meat based in the food, which she decided was meant to weaken her. It might've worked with a normal shapeshifter with a carnivore's Essence but she was Spectral. Her diet didn't require that.

The only issue was the limited amount of food and not knowing how long between meals she had.

Dol considered her options before dumping the bowl of lettuce onto the floor.

There was no way she'd give them the satisfaction of starving her with salad. Stefan wanted her alive for some unknown reason and she could survive without eating.

Once she scraped the remaining pieces into the lettuce pile she carefully broke apart the bowl, using the fork prongs to cut away the circle at the bottom and marking the top, bottom, left, and edges. After she finished that she broke the fork, placing one prong so it was aligned with the top mark and placing the other so it was aligned between the right and bottom prongs.

Then she started counting again.

 _One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…_

Thirty five hundred four hundred and twenty seconds later she fell asleep.

.-~*~-.

It was roughly three, maybe four days later when she received another visitor. During that time she had resisted the urge to eat the rotting lettuce and turned the leftover Styrofoam into a misshapen crown, then she had taken her clothes off and shoved her sweatpants into her t-shirt to make a makeshift pillow which she was currently seated on.

Her stomach hurt but it was manageable. If she was going to die it wouldn't be starvation that took her.

Dol watched patiently from her 'pillow' on the floor as the door came loose and a male vampire stepped through, clearing his throat and averting his gaze when he saw her state.

"Hello." She greeted, smiling violently. The absence of Kayden didn't pass her. Kayden was either terrified or fascinated with her, either way it was important to know. Kayden could very well be an ally if she ever figured out a plan to escape.

"You haven't eaten." The olive skinned man said dryly.

"I'm not a damned rabbit, so no, I didn't eat."

"You ungrateful little-"

"I wouldn't finish that if I were you." She warned and the vampire glared.

"Stefan has ordered me to take you to the showers."

"Oh so you aren't going to make me sit in my own stink."

"Then I am going to bring you to the Throne Room."

"Do I get a say in this?"

"You know the answer to the question."

Dol sighed heavily and rose to her feet. "Fine. Let's go."

"Put your clothes back on." Dol rolled her eyes and did as told, not for his sake but for her own.

The trip to the showers was short and she was met with looks and whispers from several vampires among the city, all too quiet for her to hear and it left her on edge.

What was Stefan planning?

The water was chilled but her natural temperature was able to counter it. While she scrubbed off she was acutely aware of a bloodbag in the next shower over, she could hear her muffled crying and after peeking out the curtain of her shower to see that the vampire escort was standing by the doorway but not looking in. Carefully she slipped out of her shower and into the other girl's, pressing a finger to her lips and wincing at the sight of the fresh wound on the child's wrist.

The girl met her gaze with big green tear filled eyes and Dol reached across her, turning up the pressure on the water and wincing as the water pelted her.

Once she knelt back down she spoke softly.

"I'm not going to hurt you. What's your name?" She said softly.

"D…Dana…" She whispered softly, voice cracking slightly.

"How old are you?"

"Eleven." Dol winced, of course she was eleven.

"My name is Daula." She introduced herself carefully. "I know you're scared but I need you to do something for me. I need you to hold on. I need you to keep your head down and do what they tell you. I know you're scared but you just have to do what they tell you. If you do it won't hurt as much." Dol was well aware of the bullshit she was spouting but she had a plan to escape and when she did this girl was the first on her 'people to save' list.

"But…they're scary. They hurt me. They took my mom and dad and…" The girl broke into a fit of sobs.

"I know, sweetheart. I know." Carefully she rested a hand on the girl's shoulder, jerking slightly when the girl threw herself into her arms.

"Time to get out, slave! You have five seconds to get decent!" Dol didn't recognize the female vampire's voice but knew it was directed at the girl. Carefully she pulled the younger girl under the water, running her fingers through the girl's long golden hair.

"Do what I said and I'll try to help you. I promise." The girl shivered under the onslaught of the water but nodded into her shoulder. "Okay. Grab your towel and go." She ordered softly, prying the girl off her and moving to the corner of the shower as the girl scrambled to pull the towel on and stumbled out of the shower. Dol flinched at the sharp snap from what she knew was a towel followed by the loud scream of the girl.

That scream would haunt her for years to come. Dol shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, listening to the footsteps and the crying as the girl and the vampire left the showers.

Fourteen seconds later she scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, praying to whatever God may be listening that she would be able to save that girl from what Bella went through. Save her from the inevitable Stockholm Syndrome.

Dol didn't want to be made a liar to an eleven year old girl.

"Time to go, Spectral!" The male vampire shouted at her and she pulled the rough white towel around her torso, considering the discarded t-shirt and sweats she wore in. The vampire had told her not to bother when she came in, that they were getting her dressed in new clothes. But it didn't feel right to leave them. Until Brady's birth she had rarely worn anything besides dresses. They were like part of her being. The idea of someone forcing her into a different outfit…Dol gathered the sweatpants and t-shirt and draped them across her shoulder, leaving the panties and bra. They were painful reminders. A nursing bra that had no more use and a pair of underwear she didn't feel comfortable wearing anymore.

Dol lifted her gaze from the clothing and walked to the doorway, casting a glare at the vampire.

"Take me to your leader."

The vampire huffed a breath of annoyance and began walking, she followed without resistance, knowing what that would lead to.

They passed two bloodbags on the way to one of the rooms that reminded her distinctly of Bella's bedroom from their time there. In the room was a simple bed that had a white cocktail dress laid out on it, a headband with a large pale blue bow and brush set next to it. Dol scowled at the sight.

"Get dressed, Daula."

"You do realize I'm a woman. Recently pregnant. I need a damned bra. I would also like my dignity. Even your damned bloodbags get clothes."

The vampire gave her a look that said something along the lines of "you disgusting creature."

"Despite the fact that I am a shapeshifter I am a civilized creature. Where the fuck is my underwear."

"The closet." The vampire answered with a scowl and she pulled off the towel, spreading her arms.

"What are you? A fucking nun? I am a woman. I have naughty bits. Get the fuck over it." The vampire rolled his eyes at her and stepped outside the door. She glared at his back, unable to comprehend his behavior.

"Get dressed. Stefan is waiting."

"Fuck Stefan."

"Stop being difficult."

"Let me go and I will."

"You know I can't do that." Dol closed her eyes.

"Execution, right?"

"Yes."

If she had to guess Stefan had ordered he escort her and ignore her behavior. Which meant she was right. Stefan, a lone ruler, wasn't a good thing. He was running Volterra as his way or no way at threat of execution. Vampire or slave, it didn't matter, and it gave her a huge advantage. Kayden wasn't the only vampire she could turn.

The only flaw was her status as a depowered shapeshifter. Despite the constant itching in her skin since her arrival, she was _trapped._ Human for all intents and purposes. Without Mike she was significantly weaker though nothing would ever make her think to drag him out to where she was just to maybe take on a vampire.

No.

She had to start small.

Dol pulled the too big underwear and bra from the closet, sliding into it with practiced ease before moving onto the dress, slipping it over her head and running the brush through her blue hair several times before dropping it on the bed and picking the headband up and running it through her hair.

This wasn't her type of outfit and here, in Volterra, she realized it made her feel extremely exposed.

What was Stefan planning?

"Come on, Spectral."

"My name is Dol." She said quietly, running her fingers across the fabric of the dress and feeling her eyes burn with unshed tears.

 _I miss you, Bella._

Dol straightened her back and made her way out the door. _You are strong. You are powerful. You killed a vampire even when you can't shift and you can handle this._

Dol wasn't sure she believed what she told herself, but she had no choice, she had to try.

The walk down the hallways of Volterra had her skin crawling. She knew exactly where she was at all given moment due to years of sneaking around these halls. It made her long to turn left, abandon her escort, and escape.

The only thing stopping her was the knowledge that trying to escape would kill her and she had a son to get home to.

"What's your name?" She finally asked the vampire.

"Elvis." The vampire answered after a moment, a smile spread on her face.

"Elvis."

"Yes. Like the musician but not as talented." The vampire, Elvis answered and she grinned at the self deprecating humor.

"So, Elvis. Do you remember humanity? What was it like?"

"I remember nothing from before."

"Must make it easy. Killing humans. Using them for food."

"I was turned by Stefan six months ago and haven't ever killed a human."

Dol wasn't sure how to take the passiveness in his tone. Was it really fair to judge a vampire that couldn't remember anything else?

"How about shifters?"

"I do as Stefan orders." Which was answer enough.

"If he told you to step into a vat of gasoline and burn yourself alive, would you do it?"

"I want to say 'no' but that would be a lie. I know what Stefan is. We all know what Stefan is. It hardly matters, though."

"Why is everyone so willing to fall in line behind him?"

"I can't tell you that."

"I know he's not Aro. Chelsea is long dead. He doesn't have the influence anymore. He's alone. Where does he get any sort of influence?"

Elvis didn't answer and she ground her teeth together in frustration but didn't push since they were close to the Throne Room.

"What does Stefan want with me?"

"Something old and something new." Elvis answered quietly and she froze in her steps.

 _Something old and something new. Something borrowed…_ Her hand came to her dress, stomach churning. _Something blue._ Her hand went to her bow, to grab it and rip it out of her hair. _No no no no_. Hands came down on her arms and pinned them to her back, lifting her kicking and screaming as she was forced through the door of the Throne Room.

* * *

 **As far as I'm aware I never actually named the city in Missouri, I know I referenced Boonville but I'm certain it never had a name, so now it has a name. Not that I'll ever actively use it. If it did have a name before…whoops.**

 **On another note, I noticed something. I think Dol may be the only truly straight major character I have ever written. Unless I'm forgetting something, Dol is straight as a board. Which I just thought was a fun fact. I am apparently capable of writing a straight major character.**

* * *

 **Final note. I was rereading the first three stories (mainly Essence and Venom) and I noticed something about Bella and Dol. The way they view sex. As is blatantly clear Dol has never had problems with talking about sex, having sex, while Bella was always shy about it. Even when she was much older. I thought long and hard about why this happened. What was different between them that made this happen?**

 **It was all made abundantly clear when I was talking to my friend the other day. Bella spent eight years of her life as a slave. Though I've never fully addressed what she endured as a slave I implied she had been used for sex pre Blood.**

 **Bella and Dol see sex differently. Aro liked Bella's innocence so even when she was being 'used' he would remind her that it was a secret. Enforce that it was meant to be kept private even though he was forcing it on her. That people weren't supposed to know what happened behind closed doors. Meanwhile Dol was exposed in a different way. When she crept through the city she would see people having sex and in turn saw it as a natural act that people enjoyed. There was never any sort of modesty built because she didn't ever get the idea that it was wrong in her mind, even when Bella was uncomfortable talking about it. When she had sex with Mike she did it to feel good. When she did it when she was depressed she did it to feel something(and because she had no inhibitions because she was drunk beyond coherency). When Bella had sex with Edward she did it to feel a connection but at the same time felt she should be ashamed of the act. When she first had sex with Rose it was under the control of Nahuel and she didn't care that it happened until she learned others knew about it. Even when she was old and in an open relationship she got uncomfortable when it was brought up outside the bedroom. 'the thing they all knew but no one talked about' as addressed by Brady. So you see. It was the different exposures that made them view it differently. Bella was modest because she was more or less brainwashed to be that way. Dol never saw an issue with it, even after meeting her mom.**

 **See. I can psychologically evaluate my character behaviors without any real proof to my theories.**

 **In all honesty I'm not sure why they behaved the way they did. Bella was more reserved while Dol lacked modesty, I think it was a comic relief thing when Dol brought up being attracted to Alec that escalated. But I bet I sounded like I knew what I was talking about.**


	7. Chapter Six

**If you didn't see I added a WRTT shorts story which now holds all the alternate endings. I'm actually working on a couple shorts for it so I suggest going and following it.**

 **This chapter will contain darker themes if you didn't catch the drift last chapter. Stefan doesn't cross** _ **that**_ **line but Dol does suffer here. A lot.**

 **Finally, sorry about the delayed update. I finished writing my other story FAATC and kinda took a break from writing.**

 **I made a Twitter account for writing. In the future it'll hold information for everything I write. Technically I have the family tree for this series laid out but I can't post it until I'm not homeless. Check it out IAmFayTheGay .**

 **WARNING: This chapter contains both physical and psychological torture as well as a rape threat that** _ **isn't**_ **carried out. This should be the last chapter where the dark sexual undertones will make their appearances other than for brief references later on.** _ **Thank God.**_ **Do you believe in God?** _ **Not really. My life's too fucked up for that.**_ **What do you believe in, then?** _ **I'd say The Ancients but knowing what I know about Collin now I can't say that.**_ **No faith in your nephew?** _ **Not religious faith.**_ **Fair enough.**

Dol fought against her captors as she was carried kicking and screaming into the room, her mind on a repeat of _no, no, no, no_.

This wasn't right. This was so far from right it was in another continent. There were shapeshifters gathered to the side, mixed in with vampires, but they were different shapeshifters. Not weakened by SH, full strength _alpha_ shapeshifters. Shapeshifters that had no reason to be here other than…

A hand covered her mouth forcefully as she was forced into a standing position before Stefan, the vampire having a passive expression on his face.

"Hello, Dol." The vampire said easily and she growled against the hand. The vampire turned and spread his hands to the side. "Hello, everyone. I've called you all here today to form an alliance. As many of you are aware, I've taken over Volterra. Me and me alone. I am the reigning ruler of the strongest vampire city on the planet. Now, I want it to remain that way. I want to make things work between our species in a way that it never has."

"You kidnapped the Spectral."

Stefan shifted his weight to one side. "I brought her here under suspicion of slaughter. Not that it matters. I'm well aware of how all of you feel about the Spectral, and as much as I'd love to give you your chance at killing her, this Spectral is harmless. Confined within her human form."

"Her predecessor lead half of my pack to their deaths." One shifter growled out and there were sounds of agreement from the others.

"I know. I know what the Spectrals do. I've _seen_ it. I am old. One of the oldest living vampires. I watched as her ancestor Eve led thousands of shifters against Volterra a thousand years ago, I watched as a Spectral led humans and shapeshifters alike into a war that rattled the very fabric of human society. I understand the dangers better than any of you because I've witnessed the damage they cause. Now I ask your blessings. As the leaders of your species I ask consent to unite Volterra with the shapeshifters of the world. I ask to take the current Spectral's hand in marriage to unite Volterra with your packs in a truce.

There was silence from the crowd, everyone was silent except her. While Stefan had talked, while his words had sunk in, more and more dread and panic had soared through her. This was different. This wasn't a simple kidnapping. It wasn't what she'd planned for. It wasn't _right._ It was barbaric. _Stefan has lost his mind._

 _He's going to pay._

Never had truer words been spoken. When she got out of this hellish nightmare, he _would_ pay for this.

Yes, she would get out of this.

 _Brady._

Brady was waiting for her. She had a son. And her mom.

No one could break that apart. Not when she was finally getting things in order. Not when she had _finally_ become a functional member of society.

No. Stefan would suffer for this. For thinking he had the right to do this to her.

And the others. The shifters crowded their judging her for what her ancestor had done, they would suffer for it.

 _Meant to rule them._

A fact. Something Embry had mentioned to her. Spectral shifters had once possessed a birthright to rule the shapeshifters, until psychotic behaviors from Spectrals changed the rules. Until the entire species evolved to killing each other and started treating Spectrals as outcasts. Omega wolves in the community.

It was a wonder she was helped by Quil in Missouri.

Now they were selling her off to _Stefan_ as some sort of damned token object.

 _When I get out of this, I'm coming for you. I will singlehandedly wipe all of you off the map. You think you're safe from me? Just because I'm dosed on SH now doesn't mean anything. I have a pack and family to go back to and I_ will _get back to them._

A smile twisted on her face as she saw some of the shifters have the decency to flinch at her words, those few were vital. They showed she still had pull with the shapeshifters. The ones who openly laughed at her didn't matter, because now she knew.

 _I can do this_. Then she went silent, drooping in the vampire holding her's grip.

A few of the shapeshifters were still laughing, others were quiet, and a few whispered with each other.

"Do we have an agreement?" Stefan spoke up after several long moments of the laughter.

"I can't agree to this." One male said, a few others muttering agreements. "This Spectral has never done anything. I've done some dark things in my days, but selling someone to a vampire is a line I _won't_ cross. I'm leaving."

More agreements, growls from the others. "You don't want to do that."

"Kill us if it makes you happy. Start the next shifter war in the bowels of Volterra. I'm sure the others would be thrilled to hear why we were here in the first place."

"Whatever suits you." Another voice, female and chillingly familiar spoke up. Dol jerked against her captors and snapped her eyes open, looking at the crowd of gathered shifters and vampires until she saw.

Her stomach flipped and she jerked backwards away at the sight of a familiar face. Chillingly familiar. Not identical, but disturbingly familiar. They had to be sisters, maybe twins.

Dol didn't remember the name of the woman that had nearly raped her, but she remembered the voice and face. It was burned into her memories. This woman, there was no doubt in her mind that this woman was that woman's sister, and she was dead. Paul had killed her. And now she was here and bargaining with Stefan.

 _No._

"Let them go. We're here under a truce and our beef is with the whore on the stage."

That word hurt, and it made her even sicker hearing it from that mouth. It brought back memories she had worked hard to lock down.

 _No. I won't break down. I_ won't _do that._

With every ounce of her being she held herself together, forcing her gaze from that woman and fixing her gaze on the stone floor, running through memories of her son and mom. Holding on desperately to them. Her pack. _Paul._

If he ever spoke to her again, she would be lucky. It would be nothing short of a miracle.

When she made it out of this she was going to fix things.

Revenge and redemption. Her own little R&R.

It would be good. As long as she held herself together. As long as she pulled through this with her sanity. Bella had survived eight years before breaking. She could survive a few months while she planned her escape. _For Bella. For Brady. For mom. For my pack. I can do this._

That was what she had to believe.

.-~*~-.

The "wedding" was short and just as unpleasant as could be expected from the situation. She had no say and an Asian shifter handed her off in place of her father. Like it actually mattered. The wedding was a show meant to torture her psychologically, to try and make her believe that it was binding. In a way, it could be seen that way. There was no real bind to her.

Until one of the female shifters spoke up.

"A human wedding isn't enough, Stefan."

One of the males snorted. "A vampire doesn't have a soul. They can't partake in a mating ceremony."

"They can." Another interrupted. "There was this girl, my cousin's daughter's son's Imprint was a vamp. I saw it with my own eyes."

"We do have souls." Stefan spoke up harshly, glaring at the shapeshifters. "We can't make a blood bond with a shifter. My venom will burn her up."

"The soul protects." Dol tried to understand what they were talking about, but it made no sense. A mating ceremony? What was the difference between that and a wedding?

Before she realized it she was thrashing against the vampires holding her again, trying desperately to get away. Something about this rang wrong. Very wrong. Different than the wedding, the marriage. It sent her into a blind panic.

 _No!_

"Ff ou, Sefn!" She shouted against the hand over her mouth, yet again completely ignored. It was like a bad nightmare. All she wanted was to wake up.

"You're sure?" Stefan asked and the one she knew was the sister of that woman nodded.

"Completely safe. It won't be pleasant for her, seeing as these things are meant to be done with consent. But it won't effect you since you're willing."

"What'll it do to her?"

"Since she's not willing it'll make her wish she was dead, with regular shifters it increases compliance but Spectrals are too deranged to be capable of submitting. As long as she's dosed with SH you should be safe from any of the aggressive reactions."

"If it kills her it's on your head, Abbie." Stefan warned with venom in his voice.

"You know the deal. Why would I possibly choose to let you kill her?" That woman, _Abbie_ , responded sweetly.

"Very well."

"Lovely." She responded as she strolled up to them. "Take her hand and cut an incision into the underpart of her thumb. Do the same with your hand." Dol struggled as she was forced to comply to the disturbing directions.

"We're here to bind essence and soul today, to connect two beings for eternity, to unite the unholy abomination of a Spectral shapeshifter with this bloodsucking freak of a vampire. I, Abbie Montgomery, stand with the alphas of other packs to unite the both of them for eternity. From life until beyond." A gasp ripped from her throat as something ripped at her essence, drawing outwards until a blueish substance rested against her hand and flooded across the space between their connected hands. She yanked against it as a sob escaped her throat.

 _Nonononononono._

The essence sank into their skin and she felt a sickening force weigh down on her, her stomach churned violently and she cried brokenly against the hand covering her mouth.

"I forgot that happens when a Spectral is present." Abbie said absently.

"What was that?" Stefan demanded.

" _Part of her essence was sent into you and bound to your soul. It's meant to be a symbol of complete trust between a shifter and the one they love, however as we are all aware that is far from the case here. You are now bound for eternity. Enjoy."_

 _Stefan flexed his hand, eying it suspiciously before shrugging. "Very well. It's done. Take her to the room. The shifters are free to do whatever as long as they keep her in a solid piece."_

 _Dol hated the sound of that. Those words. The meaning she knew they held._ _Bella, give me the strength to survive this._

 _.-~*~-._

By the time Abbie had entered the room where she had been meticulously nailed to a cross by a male shapeshifter she was numb, mostly unaware of her surroundings. Of the things being done to her body. Everything hurt. The bruises, the cuts, the agonizing pain of nails imbedded in the palms of her hands. It all hurt so much, especially when she started _seeing._ It was as though the presences of these alphas triggered memories that weren't hers. Memories from her predecessors. She had watched herself murder young children in cold blood, watched as some of them barreled down on her with a pack of animals at their back, each and every one of them.

Her predecessors had killed. Had tortured and punished, even when being treated as outcasts.

A laugh almost escaped her when she saw Abbie. The bitch had a peaceful look on her expression as she took in Dol's appearance. Bloody, bruised, and missing chunks of skin that should've killed her.

It had been the psychological aspect that had hurt. Not this. It was disturbingly easy to shove that pain out. Or maybe she was dying. Wouldn't that be a prize?

"Hello, Daula."

"Mmm." She responded articulately against the gag in her mouth.

"You know what's fascinating about you, Daula? How you play innocent. How you behave like you're different. I mean, what would your dear sister think if she heard what happened to you?" A growl escaped her.

 _Don't you dare talk about her. You know_ nothing. _Do you hear me?_ Nothing. _None of you can begin-_

"Oh save it, Spectral. I know everything. All the dirty little details. It's a shame you caught on, of course he was stupid to let you catch on."

What was she- Dol froze.

Darian.

" _It was an order_."

"You see. You killed him, or more specifically, your pack killed him. If it wasn't for your first infraction I'd be willing to let it go. But your pack also killed my sister. Now _that._ That I can't overlook."

 _She tried to kill me._

"Of course she did. I ordered her to. Well, my mate ordered her to. That doesn't change my rightful anger. First your predecessor killed my mom, then you go and murder my sister. No, oh, no, no. Sorry, sweetheart. You don't get my sympathy. You get a big fat dose of suffering. A nice reminder of your involvement in your sister's loss of her sanity, of the mother you abandoned time and time again. Of the years of suffering _you caused_ the sister you claim to love when you chose a _vampire_ over her freedom."

She was shaking her head violently, ignoring the sharp spikes of agony every motion caused her hands. It wasn't true. That _wasn't_ her fault.

"You know she blames you, right? That's why she's hiding in her head. She'd rather live a fantasy life with the psychotic vampire that _tortured her,_ who _robbed her of humanity,_ than with the sister that loved her to the end of the Earth."

 _Robbed her of her humanity._ Her eyes snapped upward to meet the smug gaze of Abbie.

"Ooh. You didn't know, did you? Yes. Edward is the one that turned her. I've done my research. I've been _very_ invested in you since your name rippled across the packs a few years ago. _Dol the savior._ As if. Spectrals are all raving psychopaths."

A growl tore from her throat at that. That _wasn't_ what she was. _Fuck you._

"I don't fuck whores. It's bad PR." The woman responded sweetly before crossing the space. "Even if I did, I don't fuck women. I'm almost disgusted you do. Then again, seeing as you threw yourself to your knees for Alec, I shouldn't be surprised you're up for anything." Abbie grabbed her jaw and forced her head up, forcing her head up much to her body's protest at the action. "Are you a little fence rider, Daula? I bet you are. Little sluts are up for anything as long as they're getting fucked." Tears threatened to pour from her eyes as each word stabbed through her violently.

That _wasn't_ what it was. It _wasn't_ what she was. There was never a moment in her life she'd been attracted to women, drunk or not. The sex had been a way to feel, she wasn't…

 _Let me go._ She all but begged,

"How about no? I know what my sister planned for you. How _close_ she got." Painfully sharp nails dug into her cheeks but she barely felt it, the strain of lifting her head reminding her of the pain in her hands. "How that pack member of yours showed up. Maybe I'll finish the act for her. Her last decision."

 _No._

"Your mind is telling me know but your heart rate is telling me yes, unless that's fear." Abbie let go of Dol's face and tapped her own chin thoughtfully as she slumped, flinching against the strain on the nails.

"No. I'm not a rapist. My sister may have been that low, but no matter how angry I am with you, I'm not a rapist. I do have morals."

 _Forcing me into a marriage is considered moral?_

"Not really. But it's not like Stefan will ever actually harm you. Sure, he sold you to us for our compliance but in the end you'll be locked in a dungeon and left to rot. You'll be out of our way and won't be a risk to the shapeshifters."

 _I wasn't a risk before._

"Neither was Hitler." Dol flinched at that. "Your ancestors have a body count so high it's a wonder the world's still spinning. I don't think you quite understand the gravity of the situation so I'll explain it in words you can understand. Your kind, they all turn out the same, almost every human dictator on Earth can be traced back to shapeshifters. But not just any shapeshifter, _you._ The damned Spectral psychopaths. Why do you think so many of us were _willing_ to come to this little game? You may have spooked a few of the littler alphas but in the end most of us stayed. At least for the wedding and mating ritual. Only a few of us wanted you to suffer. Ironically, out of them all, I'm the only one with a right to be angry. None of them were ever directly impacted by your kind."

 _Go away._ This woman talked too much and Dol was sick of her voice. Sick of listening to this.

"I'm not done with you, Daula. Not yet." Abbie patted her cheek before grazing her fingers across Dol's arm until she was touching the tender skin on her palm. It hurt. The contact burned and she became painfully aware of her injuries. A sob escaped her as the woman skirted her fingers around the puncture wounds. "No, you see, Dol. I know your dirty little secrets. I know what you did to your sister under the control of a vampire and I feel for you, really, I do, I can't imagine how bad that would be.

 _Leave!_ She tried ordering and the other shifter laughed.

"SH is nasty. Especially for an alpha. Sorry to break it to you, you can't order us around." Then a dagger like pain ripped through five points on her hand and a scream tore out of her throat as the nails were _torn_ from her hand.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ She grabbed blindly to catch herself on anything as she tumbled towards the floor but there was nothing within reach. Another blood curdling scream tore from her as the hand still nailed to the cross yanked _hard_ and flesh _tore_ from the force of gravity. All she could do was cry out as she struggled to her feet, the cuts and burns lining the remainder of her body lighting up like a light board at every movement, pinpointing every point of injury to the front of her mind.

 _Pleasepleaseplease._

"You know. I think I like you better on your hands and knees." Abbie's voice taunted as something slammed into her ribs, a scream ripping from her throat as she fumbled back to her knees, needle-like pain shooting through her arm as she struggled to keep from yanking on the nails.

 _Not all talk._

An unhelpfully accurate thought flitted through her mind as she sobbed.

"Stand up, Daula. _Now._ " Her body didn't want to cooperate and she panicked internally as she tried to force herself up. To _move._ "You have to the count of five." Abbie said before she began counting. It was near impossible, there were open wounds on the bottoms of her feet but she made herself move. Forced herself to rise to her feet. _Brady. Have to make it through this. Have to get back to Brady._

"You were slow, Daula. A shame, too. I was going to reward you."

 _Bitch._

"Wrong answer. Now. You have a choice. Either I break every finger and toe on your body, or you pull those nails out of your other hand nice and slow."

What a choice.

Abbie's torture session was meticulous, carefully crafted so she never knew what to expect. Flips between psychological torture and physical torture. Flips between drawn out talks about why she was doing what she was doing, explaining the fragments of history she knew from the documents from her counseling sessions to the details she'd learned from the survivors of Missouri and the old Volterra. Abbie knew _everything_ about her and it was almost terrifying. There was nothing secret, nothing she had to herself. The things she hadn't told Darian were common knowledge among the shifters, gossip spread throughout the entire damned species.

There was nothing, and part of her was _sure_ Edward was responsible. No one else could've known about the incident in Volterra where Bella had offered her virginity as a symbol of loyalty.

 _God._

Her entire world was fucked. After what felt like years Abbie left her and she was carried, crying weakly, back to the dungeons.

 _Bella, Brady, I love you._

.-~*~-.

What Kayden said was two weeks following her trip to the dungeons the more major injuries were healed. Kayden had taken to treating her in secret, bringing Aloe and other natural healing methods when she brought her food. Dol had accepted the help in silence, hadn't spoken a word, and she was emotionally exhausted. Completely drained. If it wasn't for Kayden she knew she'd have snapped.

Now she had to bide her time. Hold onto her memories and wait while she figured her next move out. It was hard. So damned difficult. The confinement of the dungeon was tearing at her mind, every word Abbie had spoken haunting her dreams. The brutal reality of every horrible thing she had ever done.

"Dol." She flinched as Kayden's voice infiltrated her internal thoughts. "Stefan has requested your presence."

She snorted, a growl slipping past her lips. "Tell my dear _husband_ he can stick a red hot pole up-"

"It isn't a request, Daula." A male interrupted the first sentence she had spoken since the incident, one of the ones that hated her guts. She flicked her gaze to the opening in the wall where Kayden was standing next to the man.

"What will you do? _Beat me?_ " She growled out. "Honestly, Damion. Go fuck yourself. I'm not his call girl."

Glowing blue vampire eyes narrowed at her. "You do not want to try my patience, Daula." She rolled her eyes before meeting Kayden's pleading gaze.

"Whatever. I can't walk. Make the brat carry me."

"You're perfectly capable of walking."

"I really can't. I may be healing but Abbie broke almost every bone in my body. I'm a damned shapeshifter, not a magician."

"I'll carry her." Kayden spoke up, false annoyance leaking into her voice.

Damion cast a mistrusting look towards Kayden before giving in. "Get her then. I don't want to keep Stefan waiting."

Being carried through Volterra wasn't a pleasant experience, if Kayden moved wrong in any way it caused pain to shoot through her and by the time they arrived she hated Stefan even more for forcing her to leave the dungeon. At least there she didn't have to move.

"Daula." Stefan greeted, eying her thoughtfully.

"What the fuck do you want, _darling husband?_ " She sneered and Stefan laughed.

His presence revitalized her. Reminded her why she was fighting. _Revenge._

 _Fucker._

"I wanted to see how you were recovering, of course." Stefan explained after his laughter died down. "I heard you weren't speaking to anyone."

"You were concerned." She responded sarcastically.

"Of course. I did tell them that they weren't allowed to permanently damage you."

"Tell me, Stefan. If they'd fucked up and killed me, what would you have done?"

"Wiped their entire pack out." Stefan answered without missing a beat. "That was part of the agreement. I had to cementify your life."

"So you could keep me locked up."

"Absolutely. I'll tell you this once, Daula. When I met you in Missouri I knew what you were and what you represented. As long as you're free, you're a danger to everyone around you. Why do you think I bought your trust? I knew exactly what you would do."

Dol bared her teeth at him. "Did you know me uniting the shifters and vampires would get Vladimir killed?"

Stefan's expression darkened, "Take her back to the dungeon."

"Aw, what's wrong, _Hubby_? Pissed that your oversight got your _mate_ killed?"

Stefan rose and crossed the space in an instant, grabbing her by her throat and lifting her from Kayden's arms. A pained cry slipped from her lips as he tightened his hold on her throat.

"Don't _speak_ about him, Daula."

"What? Are you ashamed? Oh my God it's a homosexual male! Alert the media! _Grow up_ , Stefan. It's the fucking twenty first century. You bent over for-" Something slammed into her skull with brutal force, blacking her out in an instant.

.-~*~-.

When she woke up her stomach was growling and her entire body was aching. There was little doubt that several of her bones were broken again, potentially crushed, and the ache in her stomach told her it had been days since she'd eaten. She licked her lips, flinching at the cotton dry feeling in her mouth.

 _Water._ Her mind supplied unhelpfully as she curled in on herself, careful about the motions.

How long did it take for a human to starve? A month? Dehydration? Less? A week? Two? She had no idea. All she knew was shapeshifters could survive about twice that time. If she took into account her memories of being thrown in the dungeon last time…

It had been a week. Give or take. Not to mention she had been stubbornly refusing to eat her meals in hopes of reducing the SH in her system. As a desperate action to get her shifting back.

That put her at…around two weeks without food?

If she was right, she had around a month and a half before she starved to death, and…

 _Water._

The last time she'd drank water had been…the day before Stefan summoned her? So she either had a week or two before she died. _Oh boy._

She really hoped she'd only pissed off Stefan a bit. From what she understood no one planned on killing her, but that could change.

 _Have to get out of this._

 **Sorry this chapter was shorter. It's always a challenge to decide where to end chapters and where to begin the next. I know where this story is going, where it'll end it comparison to Essence, but it's still a challenge to decide all of the things that happen between now and then. I covered post Bella and pre Volterra, now I have to cover pre child abandoner. That sounds really bad.**

 **On another note, I was rereading Essence and stumbled onto a name drop I didn't realize I'd made. Collin. So if you can't tell I am generally careful about reusing names, and until Venom my original character names were far and few between and I tried not to reuse names I had already. (Sam ratted on Rose in Blood so I used Samantha from that stupid role reversal universe that no one read in Essence, stuff like that) Well somehow I missed that Collin was named in Essence. Maybe Bella named Collin after him? I'm sure I could make that canon in this if I tried hard enough. Anyway. Done rambling. Check our Twitter!**


	8. Bad and Good? news

so, guys. I have some bad news and some goods news.

The bad news? I don't think I'm mentally capable of finishing Soul. I say this because when I wrote it, I was mentally... really in a different spot. Not to say it was bad, nor to say it was good. The same goes for now. The problem with Soul is that the headspace I was in doing the story of the horrors that happened to Dol? That's not a mentality I can reach anymore. For the better, or the worse, I am mentally incapable of finishing Dol's heartbreaking history. Which isn't one of my prouder confessions because I honest to God wanted to complete here tale.

The good news?

Maybe?

I'm rewriting Blood. But this time, it's going to be an original work. What's important to note here is the heavy reset the world will go through. While, yes. The second and third stories do have heavier original personally designed lore built in, the case is not the same for Blood. Blood was me using a lot of the pieces in Stephanie's world (which I am honestly not found of anymore) to jumble something together. Not that I hate what I did with Blood. I'm just kinda eh on it nowadays. It was a mess, I know it was. I'm proud of Essence though. Pretty content with Venom. Proud but sad about Soul. This project is one of my more favored writing pieces that I have no regrets from.

Back to the point, though. If I were to redo Blood as an original story, would any of you be interested in reading it?

 _ **I would**._

Of course you would. You're in it.

 ** _I'm in everything you write. Hell, I was your first Dungeons and Dragons character._**

Anyways! I just wanted to drop this here. Love you all and thank you all that stuck through this series. I'll never have thanked you enough for it.


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